Today, I came home to visit my family for spring break, only to realize that I'd left my phone in my apartment. After a 2 hour drive back, I discovered my boyfriend with my neighbor. He panicked and pretended to be sleepwalking. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Get out
Today, I came back to my boyfriend's house where I've been staying to find all my things thrown outside, ruined, including my entire CD collection, textbooks and clothes cut up. All because I had left my phone there and had got a text from a guy saying, "Hi, how have you been?" FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents over dinner. During the meal, he excused himself to the bathroom, and when he didn't come back after a few minutes, I went to check up on him. I ended up finding him in the living room, pocketing a pack of ambien from my mom's bag. FML
Today, after working out at the gym, I went to grab my bag, and realized that my phone was missing. Panicking, I reached into my pocket, pulled out my phone, and dialed my mom's number to tell her I'd lost it. It took me until the last ring to realize what I was doing. FML
Today, I woke up early, showered, dressed, and made the 40 minute drive to work, only to discover when I arrived that today was my day off. When I got home my live in boyfriend was gone. I called and he told me he was at the beach, right near my work. FML
All's well that ends well
Today, my boyfriend and our so-called “friends” left us stranded at a park, when our phones and wallets were also missing. I had to walk nearly four miles in tears before I eventually got a ride from a stranger. Luckily, my phone was returned to my mom, but I’m still in tears from the distress. FML
Cold shower
Today, my boyfriend and I came back to my house after a night on the town. Thinking the house was empty, we had sex. Just as it was getting good, my phone beeped. It was a text from my mom, saying, "Quiet down. Even your father can tell you're faking." FML
Mistaken identity
Today, my boyfriend and I slept together. In the middle of the night, he saw my phone receiving a text from someone saying, "Hey baby, I missed you so much! I'm going to be visiting in a couple of days, hope to see you again, I love you!" He got mad and left my house. It was my dad in Ohio. FML
Red flags all over the place
Today, I got a phone call from my boyfriend, who screamed at me for being a f-ing liar and never taking time for him. He'd called my work and knew I wasn't there as I said I'd be. He was right - I was lying. I'd been driving for the past 10 hours to his family's beach house to surprise him. FML
Cheeky
Today, I went to a party and crashed on the bedroom floor. I woke up to sex noises coming from the bed. I pretended to still be asleep. I sent a text to my boyfriend to tell him about it. I heard his phone beep from over in the bed. FML
Oh, hello
Today, I came early from my job, just to find my boyfriend in bed, with my dad. FML
Top comments
CsHx 16
Just don't let him "sleepwalk" back into your apartment.
SillyGirl4602 23
Your boyfriend really is a dumbass if he thought that you would actually believe that he was sleepwalking. On the bright side, be happy that you found out about it. Now you can dump him and find someone new.
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Comments (84)
ifailsobadly 18
That's kinda moronic. "Oh, she's left her phone here, I'll sleep with the neighbour, she'll never find out"..."oh shit, we ended up sleepwalking into the same bed, sorry"
darwinism 30
Your name fits perfectly with your comment.
CoDHater 9
You do realize that her boyfriend probably didn't notice her phone, right?
NeinKittenz 20
Shhh #26 let him stay in his own little world!
Mr_Satan 11
"Babe... It was an accident!" "What? Like she tripped and you fell?"
hopelessteej 8
sounds like a real nightmare to me..
TourettesGuyFTW 26
There's no REMedy for his cuntish behaviour. Tell him to wake up and smell the cof--...the smell of being single.
CsHx 16
Just don't let him "sleepwalk" back into your apartment.
SillyGirl4602 23
Your boyfriend really is a dumbass if he thought that you would actually believe that he was sleepwalking. On the bright side, be happy that you found out about it. Now you can dump him and find someone new.
coolboy675 16
Technically, we only know that the boyfriend was found with the neighbor. Op didn't say they were doing anything that would make her think he'a cheating.
SillyGirl4602 23
That is a good point. I just assumed he was doing something wrong since he panicked and she posted it on fml. If he wasn't doing anything wrong there is no need to panic.
Busybeth98 16
Actually, the FML is posted in the Intimacy category, so I think they would have to be doing something FML worthy.
BrandiLush 31
Ambien makes you do crazy stuff!
erockinthesuburb 17
...like bang your neighbor in your sleep? Dang, I need to get me some of that.
torrea 19
Please tell me you're not serious. But if you are, I'm selling this really nice Bridge. I'll give you a really good deal. ?
carleybeak 21
Well that escalated quickly
laurenlovesjb 20
At least to me, that is not funny anymore.:P
_1296 10
@24- you probably got a little less thumbs ups for your picture and just a little lesser for you name.
kthxbie 10
Lol
gracehi 33
Hey, 27, you must be new here, so I'll fill you in. Lauren has been here for a while now, and you're probably the 100th person to tell her that she got thumbed down for her picture and/ or her name. It's gotten real old, so kindly quit picking on the girl.
deathtothepix 26
People get 'picked' on here at FML all the time, who cares if the commenter is new? he/she can say what they like and I'm sure whoever Lauren is can stand up for herself too! Not saying they're right for saying what they did but you get my drift.
gracehi 33
39, It wasn't so much that he was picking on Lauren, but that he said something that dozens, perhaps even hundreds, of other people have said before, practically word-for-word. It's just gotten old is all. And, while I'm sure Lauren is perfectly capable of standing up for herself, she never says anything in reply to the morons who use the same old insults on her and believe they are being original. She'd rather just let their stupidity speak for itself, I guess. So before other people, who are meaner than I, stepped in to rip the guy apart, I thought I'd give him a heads up.
RoboCunnilingus 23
I think this phrase still has some comedic value. But you people just use it at such terrible times.
pipinya 8
I agree with 55, people have exhausted and abused the use of the phrase. Which really is a shame, it had potential
jojimugo 20
Dump the filthy cheating dog and go have a good spring break, his loss
ElementaryEdGuy 18
Don't get me wrong, definitely not a YDI, but could you really not keep your phone off of you for a while while you visited your family? I understand that you may have needed it for a reason that you didn't mention, but to drive two hours to get it back?
cocacola999 27
Maybe work-related calls? Although yes, it would have been easier to phone her boyfriend and ask him to change the phone settings so that all calls would be forwarded to her parents' phones.
Bibliovore 26
These days, a phone can also be someone's only access to email, phone numbers, etc.; without the data stored in her phone, she may not have even known her boyfriend's number to ask him to forward calls, let alone know the numbers of any friends she was going to visit over break (perhaps with plans to finalize via text or Facebook), or her calendar, or any homework assignments she needed to get done, or so on. And perhaps she forgot other things, too, and the phone was enough extra reason to go back for all of them. But regardless, if she hadn't gone back she wouldn't have found out why she should no longer call her boyfriend for anything.
navik23 6
On another note, did anyone else find it weird she drove a total of 4 hours just to get her phone?
coolboy675 16
The funniest part would be if she used said phone to post this FML. It's like... She spent four hours to post an FML!
Mads_1234 28
So much fail^
Kalipczo 21
What an idiot. I hope you dumped him. I don't understand why so many people cheat.
perdix 31
#10, for males, it is to spread their seed as widely as possible. For some, the laws of natural selection override the social norms of fidelity. Plus, it feels good. Next question?
perdix 31
Is my answer incorrect, or do you just not like the truth?
M3DIC4T3 29
I don't know why you're being thumb downed I thought it was funny!
jelly713 19
Perdix's theory is a scientific theory, males had it in them to try to breed as much as possible back then to reproduce since there was a high death rate of new born babies & most people didn't live past their thirties, living grand parents & great grandparents are a relatively new thing that's existed for the last hundred years or so. It's historically proven that it was not uncommon for our male ancestors to have been with multiple women at once. But obviously, that is no longer necessary nowadays due to overpopulation & scientific advances. We should be more evolved by now & not resorting back to animal instincts. But seriously, it isn't a good excuse but it's a good explanation why men have a higher chance of cheating. Although there are many other reasons like falling out of love or not ready to commit & be serious. No excuse makes cheating right though.