Today, I bought body chocolate to use in bed with my boyfriend in the hopes of spicing things up. Everything was going great, until I tasted it. It was disgusting and actually made me gag a little. Later, my boyfriend checked the label and started laughing. It had expired 3 years ago. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was celebrating my birthday when my friend gave me chocolate as a gift. I wasn't suspecting anything and ate about half of it before I noticed something strange. It turned out there were some kind of worms living in it and the chocolate was about a year after the expiration date. I got sick. FML
Today, my man and I were having sex on edge of bed. We were using chocolate spread and I was riding him. When we were done, he got up and I noticed a long brown line on the edge of the bed. I knelt down to smell it. It was NOT chocolate. FML
Today, I found a small bottle of chocolate milk in the fridge from McDonald's. I've been living with my grandparents while going to college and figuring they'd never drink it themselves, I took a sip. It had expired two years ago. FML
Today, I learned the horrifying implications of my memory not being what it used to be when I bought a tasty-looking chocolate bar, only to realize upon taking a bite that I'd bought one before and not liked it one bit. FML
Today, my boyfriend brought home some expensive ice cream and we licked it off of each other. It was fun until we learned that dried ice cream on skin smells almost exactly like puke. FML
Today, for Valentine's Day, my boyfriend gave me the half-eaten chocolate bar that I left in his fridge two weeks ago. FML
Today, I ate what was supposed to be a delicious mini powdered donut. The first one tasted funny, so I pulled out another one and realized that the powdered sugar was now in fact powdered hairy mold. Then I looked at the package and realized it was over a year and a half old. FML
Today, I was being playful with my boyfriend and put a chocolate between my legs. He bit the chocolate. My lips too... FML
Today, I was feeling down and decided to eat one of my roommate's chocolate Pop-Tarts to cheer myself up. I took a big bite and thought it tasted "off". It was full of live maggots. FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me a fancy chocolate candy and I got angry at him for forgetting that I'm allergic to chocolate and threw the candy into the garbage disposal. Turns out, he had spent a ton of money getting a chocolatier to put an engagement ring inside the candy that I just destroyed. FML
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Top comments
braFTW 0
1. Complain to the store. 2. That ice cream thing works as well.
autumnshivaree 0
#2 - crappy store stocking. Shelf stockers are supposed to rotate items, putting the oldest in front but constantly checking for expiration dates. If a stocker puts the newest in front and not all items are bought, it's really easy for an item to sit indefinitely. And, if the stocker is lazy and doesn't make sure the things he's rotating (or leaving in the back) haven't expired - well, things get pretty nasty. - - - I'm a former grocery store worker. I've seen expiration dates that are ... surprising....
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Comments (72)
latuka 0
at least your boyfriend laughed. im guessing it was a friendly laugh. he coulda been like what **** you idiot. but always ALWAYS check the expiration date anything edible you buy. I always do. and ive never ended up in sticky situation like that.
alex_vik 1
I hope you had fun washing the sheets, pillows, and blankets.
s_quire 0
don't use regular melted chocolate if your man has any kind of body hair people!!!
14nickel 0
how would whip cream (pure sugar) be healthier than chocolate?
GRPHC 0
Body chocolate? Lawl. Kinky. And I agree. Whipped cream would be an easier alternative.
cyberhoy 3
umm 25 whiped cream isn't sugar its cream
CrazyIvanVI 0
How is this an FML? It isn't at all. That's like saying I went to the store and bout some expired milk. FML. No, it's not an FML. And FML would be if you put it on him, started to go to town, and gagged and threw up all over him. And why the hell would you want chocolate with sex? What's wrong with the normal flavor of things?
uhnonnuhmus 0
I would totally go with whipped cream or something like maple syrup or honey. Three years beyond the expiration date? I worked at a drugstore for a year. We had candy that should've been tossed out before the War in Iraq (six years ago) this one time. The health inspector heard about it and made the store do another round of inventory. Unfortunately, the lady who was in charge of stocking and rotating candy wasn't very good at doing that, but she's still there. It's why I don't buy food at my old store. On the bright side, I did learn how to check expiration dates on candy bars (there are codes you look at). In any event, this is actually kind of funny, even though you could've checked the expiration date before using it.
twindaddy 0
Why is everyone saying she deserved this? How is it her fault that the store doesn't check the dates on stuff like that? That's their job.
jayfx 0
LOL ew