Today, I began to walk across the street when I saw a very familiar old lady struggle across it. I walked over to help her, and only after she had blown her rape whistle and socked me in the nuts did she realize I was her grandson. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw a little old lady trying to cross the street. I went over and tried to help her. Turned out she was actually just a really short young woman. As soon as I took her arm, she screamed in front of everyone and accused me of trying to molest her. FML
Today, I saw an old man who needed help crossing the street. I went over to him and helped him across the street. When he thanked me, I said, "No problem, sir." They responded by hitting me in the happy sacks and screaming that they were a woman. FML
Today, feeling magnanimous, I decided to help a frail-looking old lady across a busy street. She managed to "accidentally" hit me in the balls with her cane no fewer than three times before we reached the other side. FML
Today, I saw an elderly woman in need of help of crossing a street. I helped her across. On the way she just about fell and held onto me to keep from hitting the ground. After she left on her bus I reached for my wallet. It was gone. I had just been robbed by a 70 year old. FML
Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went over and helped her up. Instead of thanking me, she called me a pervert and slapped me around with her cane. FML
Today, I was walking down the street, when a little old lady bumped into me and fell over. I helped her up and she thanked me for being "such a nice young man". It was only an hour later as I was in line at the store that I realized she'd pickpocketed my wallet. FML
Today, an old lady fell in the street, and I rushed to help her. As I tried to help her to her feet, she started screaming, "She pushed me! She pushed me!" I froze up in shock, and ended up being chased by some guy who thought I'd attacked her. FML
Today, I was at the supermarket when I saw an elderly lady slip on a wet patch of floor. I ran over to help, and I almost fell too before steadying myself. Then some pimply cockmunch of a teen decided to kick my legs out from under me and walk away while laughing his balls off. FML
Today, my grandmother and I got mugged. As I stood there paralyzed with fear, she grabbed the mugger from behind as he escaped, and gave him a suplex, knocking him out. Then, as if nothing happened, she dusted herself, picked up our things, held my hand, and said, "Come on baby, let's get you a clean pair of shorts." FML
Today, I went to see my grandmother. She has Alzheimer's and doesn't remember me sometimes, and today she thought I was her sister and that I was trying to steal my grandfather from her. She hit me with a cane and called me a slut. FML
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Top comments
salvorican 24
Aww she sounds sweet
iluvhobos 5
Oh, senility...
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Comments (172)
iluvhobos 5
Oh, senility...
Ahkoifish 0
Crazy grandparents FTW!!
garrettcodd 0
she just dosent want great grand kids...
yummycupkake 0
i first read this as "grenade whistle" it would have made the FML more funnier lol, but heyy at least you have a grandma who knows how to defend herself:)
seanders 10
Could be worse. You could have the black belt granny who killed a man. Was on 1000 ways to die.:)
ladybunny 0
Lulz I remember watching tht..... xD
YDI__Bitch 0
she probably knew it was you the whole time but wanted an excuse to hit you
notsocrazee 0
why does an old woman have a rape whistle? not saying it's impossible for it to happen, but young women don't usually bring around rape whistles.
KingGeorgeGal 12
Someone forgot their glasses this morning.
jacomarine89 5
I really hope those aren't your real numbers.
imOaks 3
Tht? What channel is that on?
GigaB 0
notsocrazy u really shouldn't put all ur numbers and emails online for any creeper to see
kamikrazy 6
Why would she have rape whistle?
YDI__Bitch 0
read the rest of notsocrazys bio... she/he is lonely (desperate), so whoever it is, they want a creeper
that1guyyy 12
it's probably an ex boyfriend who posted his old gurffriends numbers
goshpeople 4
Maybe notsocrazee wouldn't mind having a creeper call her, but I'm willing to bet she would mind having a crazed creeper show up at her workplace/home/mom's house. It also makes me wonder if maybe she's setting up someone else she knows, like revenge on an ex-friend, posting THAT person's phone numbers. Creepy all around.
theaws0m3guy 4
POW! Right in the kisser!...err...nuts.
herrobear 0
Some people don't like when other people assume they need help and aren't capable of crossing the street themselves. I'd be angry, and confused as well.
Slim2306 10
when grandma says she's ready for anything she means it!
mazochyst 10
What, you haven't heard of senior rape? Surprisingly it's quite common.
yahoowizard 16
More like "oh, women >.>"
ShakeMeDown 12
why would rape an old person?
ibitehard 9
#43 Me and my friends are all 14/15 and we carry around rape whistles :3
intensity24 0
your hot!
blackxlinerxrun 0
153 - I don't think that this ":3" is necessary. a rape whistle isn't some cute accessory.
blackxlinerxrun 0
I mean 156
ejrpeanut 0
My grandmas a hoarder
salvorican 24
Aww she sounds sweet
lotto_boi 3
sweet yet deadly
enonymous 9
Are you comparing my granny to a fart?
Danger716 0
Ydi for not recognizing your Grandma right away
boyguydudemalema 0
Even he recognized her right away, the same thing would've happened anyways because his granma didn't recognized him.
supermankisses 1
sick comprehension skills 57.
hellogoodbye1996 6
why does an old lady need a rape whistle...who would rape and old lady..
elmousey 5
Yea who would rape an old lady!? Only hot young women should qualify for rape(sarcasm).
krispybacon4321 23
Who would rape children?
zip2014 0
lmao oh grandmas... :)
Boygenius50 8
Since when do grandmas carry rape whistles???
brah89 0
t
brah89 0
typical @tttytytyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyytyttttytyy ytyyyyyyyty
GlobalElephant 16
nobody want to rape old crazy woman
Shadow1368 17
that sux.
BrittanyCelesteP 0
sucks*
Shadow1368 17
No, I said sux. Learn to read. And don't be a *****n grammar Nazi.
Sportsfan86 3
shadow you sure are a tough guy... jk
Shadow1368 17
Okay first off, that wasn't funny. Second off, I'm not a guy, and third off, don't assume stuff.
Omgpwned1234 0
End life for the good of humanity.
Sportsfan86 3
I wasn't trying to be funny, nice try though
goshpeople 4
It kind of ruins the statement when you tack on a "jk" at the end. Just be confident in your words and in the fact that anyone who's at all worth their salt will recognize sarcasm and/or facetiousness.
Shadow1368 17
71- I'm sorry that u r a suicidal idiot and have to try to get other people to kill themselves to try and make u feel better about yourself. I love how u all thumbed down my comment because I was fourth, and if it's not because of that, then u r just all stupid I guess.
sandracore 15
aren't you starting to think she has Alzheimer?
gamegeek42 6
lol Damn it....that was my line
ImAHomosexual 0
Gamegeek. I don't think that "line" was meant to be lol in any way...
JustinThunder 8
Maybe you should approach people with more caution.
Mrrevorp 0
stop being helpful then!
seenyou 3
what ? so after one incident like that , OP should be less helpful and kind ? idiot
Mrrevorp 0
precisely
starwind3438 9
39 Do you know how stupid you sound?
5t3ff1k4h 47
You morons. He was being sarcastic.
Mrrevorp 0
lmao at least SOMEONE recognizes sarcasm
lotto_boi 3
i take this your grandma is prepared for that normaly
saIty 17
Your grandma is a champ.
friscoed 0
I want to meet a grandma like this someday! (without the whistle or being socked in the nuts of course)
cgchamp89 7
Afterwards, did she pinch your cheek and tell you you're cute? Then tell you a story that started with, "When I was your age..."