Today, feeling social, I went to a bar. During a trip to the dimly lit restroom, I fixed my makeup, and carefully penciling my sparse eyebrows. After an evening of meeting new people, I went home. In my well-lighted restroom, I discovered that my eyebrow pencil was actually my bright red lip liner. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, I was getting funny looks all day. When I got home I realised that I was interrupted while doing my make-up this morning and completely forgot to fill in my second eye brow. FML
First impressions
Today, I'm going to an event where I will be meeting quite a few people who will be excellent contacts in my future career. Since I wanted to make a good impression, I did the whole makeup and grooming thing before setting out. I accidentally removed about half my left eyebrow. FML
Today, my sister gave me a makeover. I protested, but she insisted it'd look great. After an eternity of eyebrow plucking, she handed me the mirror. I now have extremely badly-drawn sharpie eyebrows. FML
Today, I was home alone, so for fun I put red lipstick on. A few minutes later, my doorbell rang. I managed to get it off before I got the door. I saw my neighbor, and had a long conversation with him. After which, I came inside and realized I had lipstick all over my teeth. FML
Make up tutorial
Today, I was tinting my own eyelashes when I missed my eyelashes and stabbed myself in the eye with the applicator loaded with dye. Now, I have beautiful lush black eyelashes, to match my half-closed swollen red left eye. Sexy. FML
Today, I decided to wax my own eyebrows with a Do It Yourself kit from the pharmacy. I'm now missing half of my right eyebrow. FML
Today, I woke up with really dry, chapped lips. Still in bed, without my glasses on, I sleepily reached down into my purse for some chapstick and applied it. Upon awakening later I realized I had mistaken a mini Sharpie permanent marker for chapstick. I have a job interview today. FML
Bent out of shape
Today, I was doing my makeup. Halfway through, I asked my SO what he thought of it, as I was working on a new eyeshadow technique. He said my eyeshadow looked great, but that, "One eyebrow is up here and the other is down there," and that I should fix it. I hadn't done my eyebrows yet. That's just where they are. FML
Today, as I walked around town I noticed some guys and even a couple of girls checked me out. When I got home later I realized they probably weren't checking me out, so much as wondering why the hell I had thick black eyeliner on only one eye. Oops. FML
Leave it to the pros
Today, I was attempting to tame my bushy eyebrows, since I'm starting a new job in a few days and need to look somewhat presentable, when I poked myself in the eye. Hard. I thought I’d blinded myself for a few moments. Now it’s just red, sore and watery. FML
Top comments
JHC88 2
oh, my! haha, sorry OP, I giggled a lot at this.
victorioustunnel 0
maybe the bar was dimly lit too? :S haha
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Comments (175)
JHC88 2
oh, my! haha, sorry OP, I giggled a lot at this.
DaZi 0
0528481677 call me;))(
kyusake_huz_DAT 0
same! still laughing! cant stop imagine-ing abt that face!
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
"Are your eyes bleeding?! I'm so turned on right now...." Op, ydi for being a tease! Who goes to a bar to meet people and not sleep with them? Has the Jersey Shore taught you NOTHING?!!!
mz_booty 0
hahaha image in my head (them goths trying to stand out) ranga in action!!!
jess2gd4u 0
hahaha this a bloody crackup!
Angio113 10
Hahaha, 44, that comment made me laugh even harder than the FML!
Haydenob 0
lol op looks like LADY GAGA!
MrFlintstone 5
op don't worry at least they don't know you that way you don't have to listen to their hateful remarks
SNL 2
lol me too
toasty97 3
your a smart person
UnicornHooker 0
Your sarcasm is somewhat misplaced; you used the wrong your/you're.
Expertfail 0
^ So rare to see a semi-colon used correctly; usually people comma splice instead. Anyway OP, at least you now have something to talk to these people about: 'remember how when I met you I looked like an unstoppable moron with red eyeliner? Hahaha...'.
No_LoveMM 3
Not so much misplaced as the lack thereof the insult he displayed in his attempted sarcasm. Academic vernacular: Irony.
mz_booty 0
#2 wotch ouTt da spelin polICE are ear hahahaaha get over it!! ur/your/you're/YOUR lol who cares!!
No_LoveMM 3
People with intelligence care.
UnicornHooker 0
#55 Honey, you misspelled "spelling" and your FML bio is devoted to begging for messages. You really should sit down and refrain from commenting on subjects you're not qualified to talk about. Maybe if someone could actually tell you were trying to speak English, you wouldn't have to beg random Internet people for conversation.
Anyoniemous 0
Holy shit #78 if you seriously didn't get that everything was spelled wrong on purpose you don't deserve to be on FML. :)
ladyshainaa 5
78- She purposely did that.
Mercury03 13
Given that about every other word was misspelled in that post I would imagine 78 was using sarcasm in the start of their post.
RebelSoccer94 0
I happen to like 78's crackdown on ignorance :)
JadeOmega 23
apparently so are you.
ghashlycrumbs 8
No one said anything? Hahaha!
mz_booty 0
I guess not if she discovered it when she got home!!!!!!
Haydenob 0
56 is a sl*t
mz_booty 0
no acually I'm not!! you wouldn't know what one was if it hit you in the face!!!
Dmoney15 0
lol the "****" just told you huh? :)good job 56 haha
victorioustunnel 0
maybe the bar was dimly lit too? :S haha
No_LoveMM 3
Chances are she had bangs that covered it up, if not, then it couldn't have been very noticeable or you would have at the very least see people giving you odd faces.
Haydenob 0
or they're just really drunk and they don't realize. its a bar bro
meowmeowwkitty 0
luckily there was booze involved. could be worse - I.e dimly lit work bathroom....
RebornProblem 0
TLDR. Jk :D I think makeup should be abolished. Takes away from pure beauty.
amberita28 0
Oh sure, I bet you'd change your mind when you see Kim Kardashian walking around town or having photo shoots with no make up on.
zyxwvutsrqponmlk_fml 0
42 - A) Kim Kardashian has enough money to alter her appearance to look good without it. B) I'm sure a large amount of men, myself included, don't care. C) Some women look fine without makeup, and then look like trashy ***** when they decide to use it. D) Finally, some men,yself included, don't really care about makeup, unless somebody looks absolutely terrible without.
RebornProblem 0
Kim Kardashian is an ugly bitch, so I wouldn't care.
noncomposmentis 6
@5: Do you shave your armpits/legs/pubic region? Do you use contact lenses? Do you wear braces? Do you whiten your teeth? Do you buy push-up bras? Do you go for hair treatment? Do you use acne cream? There are so many things we do to artificially enhance our looks. Where is the line of demarcation between natural beauty and artificial beauty? Isn't it subjective? Unless you are someone who makes absolutely NO modification -- no matter how small -- to your looks, it is a little hard to take seriously your argument that natural beauty is supreme.
RebornProblem 0
65 - I can see why you would wear it, among why other girls, but when some pile it on and have globs of makeup on, that's when it starts to be a turn-off.
RebornProblem 0
66 - The only thing I do on that list is shave, I think. I don't need acne cream, I don't get my hair done, I don't have braces, I don't wear contacts, I don't buy push-up bras for two reasons: I'm a guy, and I prefer small boobs. If by whiten my teeth you mean brush them, then yes, I also do that.
noncomposmentis 6
@69: Some women view applying make-up as "basic upkeep" as well.
RebornProblem 0
Also, I don't like how society has made every girl think in order to be beautiful they have to wear all this make-up, and wear these designer clothes. Also, Hollywood is not setting a good example for the new generations.
noncomposmentis 6
@69/70: I asked those questions to demonstrate how bodily modifications are actually very common -- I am sure there are many other forms of bodily modifications which I left out (e.g., applying hair gel). I wasn't expecting you two to answer them so literally. But thank you for taking the time anyway. Personally I don't use make-up at all because it is expensive and troublesome, but I wouldn't make the argument that being natural always trumps artificial enhancement. Showmehowtolive, you said that insofar as a girl is hygienic and has a nice personality, you would like her for who she is. But let's consider a hypothetical scenario. What if she has body odour which cannot be eradicated even after showering? Wouldn't spraying on perfume diminish her natural qualities? It is certainly not part of what we would conventionally consider to be "basic upkeep" too.
noncomposmentis 6
So why is unacceptable to trick people in the visual sense but not in the olfactory sense? That is my point. It's a little arbitrary to say that artificiality is okay in one aspect but not okay in another.
jess6blondie9 3
I agree. I wish I never started wearing makeup. I feel like I can't go with out it now. Girls who don't wear it are more natural, clean, and pretty looking. And a tip to girls who don't wear it yet, don't start. It's a pain in the butt to have to wake up earlier for school just to have time to put it on. And as for Kim Kardashian goes, she looks pretty without makeup on in my opinion. She's a naturally pretty girl.
KiddNYC1O 22
86- Beauty tips at age 15? LOL
Gabyyy_Ell 3
awww thatss sweet :o
5t3ff1k4h 47
86 - If you have to wake up significantly earlier just to put on makeup, you're doing something wrong. It takes me 5 minutes to put it all on in the morning - that's a swipe of eyeshadow, powder, blush if I'm looking pale, and mascara.
RebornProblem 0
99 - What happened to "I don't judge" in your profile?
jess6blondie9 3
101 - I'm not doing anything wrong, I take my time. When I only wore mascara it took me about 5 minutes, but now I wear eyeliner, and everything else that goes along with it so it takes me longer.
KiddNYC1O 22
103- I LIED.
anilaa 0
It shouldn't take that long to put on make-up. It takes of at most like five minutes to put it on. And if you put on a bit of make-up it's not that bad, unless for those girls who cake it on. Make-up is supposed to enhance your natural features, like the color of your eyes or whatever, but if it gets to the point it looks really artificial then just don't..
nahgemsoohc 0
Hahahahhahahahahahhaha!!!! I love how you concluded the statement!!! HAHAHAHAH!!!
Juliaa15 6
This discussion is very interesting and intellectual. Very nice. No makeup, (excuse me for using this) ftw!
Juliaa15 6
This discussion is very interesting and intellectual. Very nice. No makeup, (excuse me for using this) ftw!
xxcrazygingerxx 0
42, thats ******* true. haha
xxcrazygingerxx 0
75, makeup isnt expensive? hahaha what are you on?(; unless its like mac or shitt like that but other than that, you can just like get some from like a rite aid or something like thatt?
noncomposmentis 6
@125: It is expensive to me because I derive very little marginal utility from make-up. I'd very much rather spend my money on travelling, books and good food.
willmcd 0
u r butiful wit out makeup
5t3ff1k4h 47
Jess - How does it take you 5 minutes just to put on mascara? That's ridiculous. Even if you put on two coats for a thicker, fuller look, it takes a minute and a half, two minutes tops. :/ So you are doing something wrong since either you haven't learned how to put it on properly or you're giving yourself tarantula lashes.
RebornProblem 0
150 - Maybe she likes to take her time to put it on, and not rush it.
5t3ff1k4h 47
But even the two minutes I suggested in my earlier post isn't rushing it. I can't possibly see how putting on mascara takes a full 5 minutes unless you're sitting for 4 of those minutes waiting for the mascara to dry, which is excessive.
Raawr18_fml 0
RebornProblem, ur hot :))
jess6blondie9 3
You're so right. Me taking 5 minutes to do my mascara is SO long. I'm just gonna try my best to take less time doing it, because it only takes you 2 minutes to do yours, and that's the amount of time everyone should be getting theirs done in. And so what? Tarantula lashes are so in this season;)
5t3ff1k4h 47
My point is, I've never heard of anyone taking that long to do their mascara unless they're doing something wrong (i.e. doin' up some lovely-looking spider lashes). I have been present when some of my female friends have done their makeup, and it really doesn't take that long. It's not just me, and there's no reason for you to be a whiny, sarcastic bitch about it. I'm making a statement and giving you results I've gathered from MY experience, and in MY experience (including the aforementioned with my female friends), 5 minutes is definitely excessive. Oh, and food for thought: at the salon, if they're doing your makeup for you, it takes maybe one minute, possibly two if you move around.
jess6blondie9 3
Well whether it's your experience or not, I'm not going to change how I do my make up just because you think that's too long. End of story.
5t3ff1k4h 47
I never once told you to change it. I know you'll do what you want. Thanks for reading something that's simply not there, though.
jess6blondie9 3
No problem. Good day.
Mauskau 36
Most of my friends are gorgeous without make-up on, and then they cover their faces with foundation and they lose it. I personally think make-up is time consuming and most girls worry about how it looks more than anything, redoing it every 5 minutes. It's expensive too and many people look better without it. The only reason young celebs look ****** up without make-up is because it damages your skin, making it age quicker. I'd rather keep my imperfections than hide them, if I'm honest. Saves my skin for the future :)
Evey15 4
After piles and piles of make up later girls start to look like trannys lol
sydnee14 7
Tldr??
robin17_fml 1
Baha, such a good point. Plus, it's really not hard to stop wearing makeup. I only wear mascara and that works just fine for me.
maripili_IN 15
66- People who wear braces are not necessarily using it for cosmetic reasons; impacted teeth, for example, common in pre-teen to teenagers, prevent adult teeth from coming out, and without braces and/or surgery can lead to tooth decay, gum disease, eating problems (which migh affect general health), etc. That's like saying you only want a back brace because a straighter spine looks better. And there's also something called hygiene- why wouldn't you NOT take care of yourself by using acne cream, etc.? There's a line between being obsessed about your image, and taking care of yourself. Not everyone wants to sit next to someone with poodles in their armpits every time they raise their arms.
FML_Elle 17
girls don't put on makeup for guys only. We also do it to attract friends of high status. (Beauty can draw people in!) Also, some girls wear it to feel pretty themselves so when you tell girls guys prefer natural beauty we aren't going to instantly drop our makeup and go "oh ok, this changes everything!"
WiseGuy79 14
Don't worry no one will forget the woman with the hot red eyebrows haha
bobos_fml 0
lol true. no one will hahaa
Juliaa15 6
Well considering you didn't mention no one didn't want to talk to you, and no one complained, maybe you discovered the hottest new way to do eye makeup. Stay positive, there's another day to socialize and do makeup BEFORE you get there.
barlessprison 16
On the bright side, you definitely made an impression on them.
sgtrobswifey 0
LOL, that was pretty amusing! Sorry OP. Hey, atleast it was a bar.. so chances are nobody knew you anyway and never will!
b1ondiee 0
lol , know one mentioned a thing . ;0
Juliaa15 6
No* one
johnson94 5
Pffft blondes these days...
crazedguy 0
10, why don't u have a nose? are you related to voldemort? :0
b1ondiee 0
oh Heeey guys I'm smarter then you I would shut up , and it's called a editing .
Juliaa15 6
than*
b1ondiee 0
really guys ur correcting me on an fml like jeeez im like 12 almost 13 I'm not perfect .
crazedguy 0
this is y u don't Photoshop ur pics kid. pedobear doesn't like fakes
b1ondiee 0
and this is why I don't waste my time over stupid guys , who think they know everything .
crazedguy 0
I'm older than you, so technically I don't know everything, but I know more than you. come talk to me when you draw urself a mouth and a nose xD
b1ondiee 0
hahaha funny . guess what thoo no idunno who you are but I don't even care . don't bother replying backk .
crazedguy 0
u mad blondie?
b1ondiee 0
yah I am because you guys think you can do anything . and by the way learn to read I said don't even relply ..
crazedguy 0
I think u mad maybe u should get a visit from pedobear to gets ur cogs in order
5t3ff1k4h 47
153 - You really think they're going to listen to you? You're probably 15 or something, and they're probably closer to 17 or 18. No one's going to listen to anyone telling them via an internet thread to shut up or stop replying. How do I know you're young? You assume they'll listen to you. :/ EDIT: I stand corrected. You're 12. What are you even doing on FML?! Do some homework, go to school, and relish your sweet life. Internet lesson #1: Don't assume people won't be assholes. Lesson #2: People will never listen to you, especially if you're a naive 12 year old telling them not to reply.
crazedguy 0
blondie ur old pic was much better.... u look like ur 40. no lie
b1ondiee 0
why are you guys picking on me just because I'm blonde doesn't mean im dumb and thanks for that ? I really don't care what you think .. maybe you haven't figured that out yet. BYE. I'm not wasting my time anymore on rude people.
5t3ff1k4h 47
Okay, I was going to comment back reminding you that I hadn't called you an idiot, but now you ARE being an idiot. We're not picking on you; we're stating facts straight up. If you don't like it, get off the interwebz. It's obviously not a place for you. I'm not calling you an idiot because you're blonde; I'm calling you an idiot because your thick head is clearly not understanding some simple concepts. If you didn't care what people thought, you wouldn't respond with a butt-hurt attitude.
b1ondiee 0
I wasn't even talking to you ? I'm done with this .
5t3ff1k4h 47
*snicker* Yeah, you'll be back, you masochist. If you were done with this, you wouldn't keep responding.
crazedguy 0
blondie looks 30 years older, no lie. and also, if you say that we're not your time, why do u bother to reply? kid, you clearly don't know anything about the Internet, as 177 wonderfully explained above