Today, at work, my husband came in and brought me flowers and a card for our anniversary. I opened the card to find a condom. I ran over and closed the door and we immediately got at it in the middle of my office. Halfway through, I realized I have been laying on the intercom button. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, my husband thought I was still asleep while he was getting ready for work. How do I know? I watched him grab a condom out of his nightstand and put it in his lunchbox. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband having sex with the shower wall. When I got in the shower with him he immediately went soft. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband masturbating into the kitchen sink. FML
Today, it's my husband's and my first wedding anniversary. I came home from work hoping for at least a bouquet of flowers, only to find my husband passed out on the couch, with a few beer cans next to him. I guess I missed the party. FML
Today, my coworker sent an email to the whole company asking us to fill in a survey. I've been secretly seeing her for two months, so I responded with "sure thing baby, and by the way I ran out of condoms, can you bring more for tonight?" I accidentally hit reply all. FML
Today, I went home early from a business trip to find my house covered with rose petals. Thinking it was a romantic notion from my boyfriend, I went up to the bedroom. I opened the door to find him lying there, getting it on with my sister. FML
Today, I stayed late at work. While I was getting coffee from the pantry, one of the cleaners came into the break room with her boyfriend, who then proposed marriage. I was reluctant to interfere so I kept quiet, until I clearly heard them start having sex, all while I was trapped clutching my coffee jar. FML
Today, I woke up and my husband said he got me a gift for our one year anniversary and that it was on the table. We laid around cuddling and when I finally got up I was expecting to walk out to beautiful bouquet of flowers. I got two packs of cigarettes. FML
Today, my boyfriend, who is also my boss, was giving me a blowjob at work. Halfway through, his boss knocked on the door and I had to quickly get dressed and slip out the other door. After leaving, I realized that I was still barefoot and I had to walk back to my desk in front of my colleagues. FML
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Top comments
D_R_A_M_A 0
Wow, I think my mom works with you...
brinky09 0
Oh you're a smart one, aren't you? YDI for not noticing the button jammed in your back.
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Comments (76)
FYL_justsayin 9
I really hope you aren't the principal of a school, because that's really what it sounds like...
trickiestboss 10
sounds fake
cutiepie9998 4
U r a genius! Lol. Talk about phone sex
Starham1 14
Well then. Moral of the story: don't have sex at work.
dolphinlvr7 24
This could not sound more made up
sakurabloom 12
at least it's obvious your marriage Is stronger than most