Today, at a big family dinner, my dad said, "Pfff, gays don't have it hard at all. The things a guy has to do for sex with a girl? Crazy. All a gay guy has to do for sex is become an altar boy!" My husband's side of the family is very religious, and all hell quickly broke loose. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my friend, who is gay, announced that he's getting married. I implored him to not invite my parents and (especially) my grandma, for reasons that I'm sure you can figure out, but he did anyway. Long story short, he's inconsolable. What excellent parents I have. FML
Today, hoping to seal the deal on a promotion, I had my boss over for dinner. My dad, who lives with me, started ranting about homosexuals burning in hell. My boss’s daughter is a lesbian. Now my dad’s nose is broken and I fear for my job. FML
Today, my father lectured me on the “sanctity of marriage” while his third wife bawled in the corner. I'm just gay, not a raging cunt. FML
Today, I asked my dad if he'd like to see the photos of my wedding, which he didn't bother to come to. Reply: "What the fuck, are you gay or something? Keep that homo stuff to yourself." My wife started laughing so hard she was crying. FML
Today, I found out that the guy I've been dating for a year is and always has been gay. I was apparently "an amazingly convenient beard" for his ultra-religious family. FML
Today, I came out to my parents as lesbian. Surprisingly, they were OK with it… just as long as I still marry a dude, give them grandbabies, and keep the whole lesbian thing a deep, dark, shameful secret that we never talk about again. FML
Today, I was leaving to go over to a friend's and my parents suddenly ask if I'm gay. I reply that no, I'm bisexual. My mom then asks if I've ever made out with someone of the same sex and I say yes. She turns to my dad and says 'I told you so. You owe me $20'. My parents bet on my sexuality. FML
Today, I finally came out to my dad, who is a priest, as gay. He responded by splashing me with holy water to "banish the demon within" me. FML
Today, my dad got married to a woman who's an atheist and makes fun of me for being a devout Christian. FML
Today, while I was out with my wife and kids, I saw a happy gay couple and it reminded me of the life I could've had if I wasn't raised by such strict religious homophobic grandparents. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Ruthie86 3
I made an account just for this. That was, literally, the funniest thing i have read on this site.
smalltownman 15
That sounds like a guy I'd like to be friends with. lol
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (148)
whiter 13
Honestly reminds me of my dad.. hilarious!
vikky538 29
I am wondering why did he brought up that topic during dinner...
Exaspera 55
Yeah! What brought this up at dinner anyway?
WipeHour 11
Sound logic.
jesterinperil 28
Oh religious conflict, how you can ruin relationships.
RMP15 8
Nah the conflict isn't the problem it's the people that allow it to be a problem. You choose how you react to something
badgercheese94 16
Everytime a religious person gets offended, a puppy is born
abNormal62 23
If that was true you wouldn't be able to go outside without stepping in a poodle....
OGDono 12
That sounds extremely amusing tbh
Matttis 7
I don't like jokes pointed at gays, but I do enjoy jokes pointed at religious nutjobs... I'm not sure if I like your dad or not :/
drea_1227 6
OP, your dad seems awesome!
Eivana 37
God, I could only imagine how much Bible-thumping happened within a span of 15 minutes after he said that.
blindkid1790 12
my kind of guy, need to bring him to dinner with the folks sometime.... he would fit in perfectly, like a long lost uncle.