Today, at a big family dinner, my dad said, "Pfff, gays don't have it hard at all. The things a guy has to do for sex with a girl? Crazy. All a gay guy has to do for sex is become an altar boy!" My husband's side of the family is very religious, and all hell quickly broke loose. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my friend, who is gay, announced that he's getting married. I implored him to not invite my parents and (especially) my grandma, for reasons that I'm sure you can figure out, but he did anyway. Long story short, he's inconsolable. What excellent parents I have. FML
Today, hoping to seal the deal on a promotion, I had my boss over for dinner. My dad, who lives with me, started ranting about homosexuals burning in hell. My boss’s daughter is a lesbian. Now my dad’s nose is broken and I fear for my job. FML
Today, my father lectured me on the “sanctity of marriage” while his third wife bawled in the corner. I'm just gay, not a raging cunt. FML
Today, I asked my dad if he'd like to see the photos of my wedding, which he didn't bother to come to. Reply: "What the fuck, are you gay or something? Keep that homo stuff to yourself." My wife started laughing so hard she was crying. FML
Today, I found out that the guy I've been dating for a year is and always has been gay. I was apparently "an amazingly convenient beard" for his ultra-religious family. FML
Today, I came out to my parents as lesbian. Surprisingly, they were OK with it… just as long as I still marry a dude, give them grandbabies, and keep the whole lesbian thing a deep, dark, shameful secret that we never talk about again. FML
Today, I was leaving to go over to a friend's and my parents suddenly ask if I'm gay. I reply that no, I'm bisexual. My mom then asks if I've ever made out with someone of the same sex and I say yes. She turns to my dad and says 'I told you so. You owe me $20'. My parents bet on my sexuality. FML
Today, I finally came out to my dad, who is a priest, as gay. He responded by splashing me with holy water to "banish the demon within" me. FML
Today, my dad got married to a woman who's an atheist and makes fun of me for being a devout Christian. FML
Today, while I was out with my wife and kids, I saw a happy gay couple and it reminded me of the life I could've had if I wasn't raised by such strict religious homophobic grandparents. FML
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Top comments
Ruthie86 3
I made an account just for this. That was, literally, the funniest thing i have read on this site.
smalltownman 15
That sounds like a guy I'd like to be friends with. lol
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Comments (148)
bluemonkey16 7
I rarely comment but LMAO I love seeing uptight religious people loose their shit.
JKPwnage 27
This is why I don't hang out with overly-religious people.
Fairyjoshy 13
I want to punch the father in the dick, too.
Nevrdai 5
OH SNAP! I'm gunna go hide under a table out of fear of the next crusades.
Ramos808 29
Please do a follow up!
RMP15 8
It's sad how disrespectful one can be about another's lifestyles
Fetuskicker666 15
Your Dad is awsome
NodakN8V 25
I tip my hat to your dad. That is the absolute best!!! I laughed my ass off !!
miss_amphetamine 24
I'm sorry, but even though that was out of line on his part...your dad is hilarious. I laughed. I'd have dinner with him.
Carnaxa 8
OMG too funny....
Fairyjoshy 13
"It's a joke" has never been a very good defense.