Today, at a bar, a woman approched me and tried to set me up with her friend. Looking around, the only people in the bar were a man reading the paper and a very ugly woman, looking at me and smiling. I worriedly replied, "I'm sorry, but I'm gay." Turns out her friend was the one reading the paper. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I wanted to ask out this cute girl I used to work with. Before I could, she said she likes my only friend there, and asked if could I set them up. Trying to be nice guy and good friend, I did. Then she made her complete lack of interest in me obvious. But hey, at least the gay guy she hung out with thought I was cute. FML
Today, I was relaxing alone at a bar when I was approached by the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen. She was too good to be true, so I asked, "Is this some kind of a prank?" She immediately turned around and left. She thought I was calling her ugly. I'll never see her again. FML
Today, I went to a bar with my best friend, and some guys came up to us and started flirting with her and offering her a drink. I felt a bit left out and started joking that "I'm thirsty too". One guy looked at me, cringed and said, "No, I don't buy drinks for weird girls." FML
Today, I saw a beautiful girl at the bar. I attempted to be friendly and hit her up for a chat. She called me a “creep” and told me to get lost. A few moments later, another guy does the exact same thing I did and she smiled and kept flirting. FML
Today, I went on a blind date a girl from work had set me up with. Apparently my co-worker thinks I'm gay. FML
Today, I was set up on a blind date. When I arrived, the person waiting for me was a woman. It appears that my friends have always thought I was a lesbian, and that they 'played along' when I talked about guys. FML
Today, I was in a nightclub with my girlfriend when a beautiful woman looked at me in the most provocative way. I didn't want to upset my girlfriend, so I escaped to the bar. When I came back, I saw the same girl making out with my girlfriend. Maybe I wasn't the one she was looking at. FML
Today, I saw a drunk guy hitting on a girl sitting alone at the bar. She insisted that her boyfriend was there, but he didn't relent. So I went over and put my arm around her and asked "Who's this guy?" He walked away, but then I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was her boyfriend. He broke my arm. FML
Today, I asked out a coworker I really like. She gave me a weird look and said, "You're not gay?" I said no, to which she said, "Well, I am". As it turns out, I was the only one who thought she was straight, and the only one who thought I was straight. FML
Today, I went to a local bar for a speed dating event. The first person I hooked up with took one look at my face, burst into laughter, and walked out of the bar practically doubling over. FML
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Top comments
Starfire22 5
Ydi, why didn't you just say that you had a girlfriend? Or just said " no thanks"
Julianneisasmurf 0
don't judge a book by it's cover.
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Comments (115)
SP63_fml 0
"Sorry, I'm married" wouldn't've killed anyone, OP. Edit: Dammit, I got ninja'd.
fmlfmlfml15 0
Then how would he explain why he doesn't have a wedding ring?
Moemoemoe_fml 0
It's unlikely people would have the balls to push on and ask "so why d'you have no ring?!", and if they are that tactless, OP can just smile wide at their stupidity and then go back to his drink, they should get the picture.
Crysta_fml 3
mabey becuase he's not christian? ignorant moron.
alphatoomega 21
Wedding rings aren't solely a Christian tradition. My parents wear them and aren't. Maybe before you call someone an ignorant moron, you should make sure you know what you're talking about.
DeadPixel4 29
#117, please never remind me of that horrific scp again.
aimbug 42
My parents wear wedding rings and they're not Christians.
Britt2009 0
sheeshhh tht sucks!
namhowell 6
YDI totally. I agree "no thanks" would have been fine. You have balls, use it!
24788 7
Haha good job
Reynard12 0
YDI for not acting like a grown up and saying you weren't interested.
YouGotTold 0
see what u get for lying...ydi
Str8Black 0
hahha thats wat u get fpr lyin...
DirtyDiana_fml 0
LMFAOOOOO you made me lol in school.
ellawea 0
nice move, smart one...
perdix 31
So, was he hot? You should have let him bone you either to punish you for lying about being gay, or finding out that you were really speaking the truth.