Isolation

Today, I went surfing, got a few rides, then realized I had my phone in my pocket. FML

Today, I was feeling really good about myself for running and walking everywhere so much so that I was out of breath and panting. Well, until I remembered that I was playing a video game and it was my character that was doing the running around that is. FML

Square eyes

Today, I received a notification that my phone screen time was down by 40% this week. I was incredibly proud of myself until I remembered I'd spent most of the week watching TV instead. FML

Today, I discovered that I've spent so much time playing Sudoku in the bathroom at work that I've trained myself to need to pee whenever I open the app. FML

Today, I played Angry Birds for two hours. I got so into the game, I failed to remember that I was sitting on a public toilet. I only realized this when the janitor came to check on me. FML

Slight discrepancy

Today, I finally beat my personal best on a 10K run. I was so pleased with myself that I forgot to stop my fitness tracker before driving home. According to the app, I finished the last 8 miles at 45 mph. FML

FML brings solace

Today, I checked this site to find out that my previous submission had made it onto the main page. This has been the sole highlight in my life for the past month. FML

Gamers rise up

Today, after a stressful day at work, I just wanted to go home and play video games. And then I broke my thumb. FML

Simple pleasures

Today, at work, I overrode the limit on my forklift, allowing me to carry four pallets instead of two. Then I was able to place them all within a ten-foot radius, giving a massive boost to my efficiency. My excitement faded when I realized that was actually the high point of my day/week/month. FML

Today, I picked up my driver's licence and my keys off the floor at the same time, using only my toes. This was the highlight of my day. FML