Today, an exchange student was telling us how he once used a black light to detect semen stains on his "abstinent" ex-girlfriend's face. I called him out on the obvious lie, saying it's an old urban legend. He wigged out, screamed that I'm a "bastarding shite-wank" and ran out of class. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was at my friend's place with a bunch of people. I saw a pair of panties in his laundry basket, so of course I yelled, "DUDE! YOU GOT LAID!" Turns out he didn't get laid, he was 'experimenting'. He was so mortified, he burst out crying and threw us all out. FML
Today, I checked out a "confessions" page for my university. The first confession was from a guy who whacked off in a campus restroom then used a computer in a lab without washing his hands. I work in that lab. FML
Today, the fuck boi I’ve been seeing got so interested about my only bi experience, which was light petting in high school, that I’ve started making up far-fetched embellishments to the tale. I can’t believe the stuff this guy is willing to believe. FML
Today, I went with the kids I work with to a roller rink, where there are tons of black lights. Under the glow, I realized in horror that an old semen stain could be seen on my shorts. Praying no one saw, or realized what it was. FML
Today, I had to leave my one-night stand in my flat because I was giving a guest lecture at the local university. Halfway through, I hear someone sneaking in so I jokingly asked if they had a 'wild night out.' It was the guy I slept with. FML
Today, I found out that an annoying guy who had asked me out spread a nasty rumour after I stood him up. According to him, I not only showed up to our date, I also went home with him, had advanced sex with him, then in the morning when he woke up, I was having sex with his roommate. All our friends believe this. FML
Today, my college instructor told me I hadn't actually failed a big exam as he originally said. It turns out he'd mixed me up with another student. Now thanks to the power of gossip, half my class thinks I slept with him so he'd switch my grade with the other student's. FML
Today, I hooked up with a guy. After sex, I found him washing his penis with BLEACH. I asked what the hell he was doing; apparently his mother makes him do it because sex is sinful and dirty, and all unmarried women have STDs. WHAT THE… FML
Today, in one of the corridors at university, I was pretending to have passionate sex with one of my lecturers to make my mates laugh. She happened to walk by just at that moment. She reminded me when my next exam is; she will be marking me. FML
Today, one of my most problematic students remained after class, whence he strongly insinuated his interest in receiving oral sex; I tried to convey just how inappropriate that was, when he interrupted, "Look, will you at least touch it?" FML
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Top comments
haidere 3
Didn't know bastard could be used as a verb.
jerseyboy732 16
what the hell is a shite-wank??
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Comments (150)
mugu 0
The exchange student meant "white- *****" for all the dumb asses here who did'nt get it. Yeah FYL i guess, sucks to be called that publically!!
hashtagmaster 1
Awkward that I am one of those dumbasses! I was sitting here like shit-wank?
hellonyancat 6
I think you are the dumb ass. Either you are trolling or you really believe that.
DeviousAngel 13
How did you come to that conclusion? I hope you're joking.
Metteris 0
Shite-wank is a rather common word/insult in the UK. Haven't you ever watched Skins?! (the real one, not the lame American one)
Danni_04 13
That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard! What the hell made you think he mean that? I guess you've never heard of Northern England before.
Mearemoi 14
I'm fairly sure that shite-wank doesn't mean white-*****. Neither of the words even mean the same thing...
NoraT_fml 6
I think you're the only dumbass here. Look it up before you insult everyone on here. Dumbass ****.
TheDrudgeChild 4
Shite = slang for shit Wank = masturbation Learn foreign slang before you pretend you know that you're talking about.
yupitssoph 18
Not sure if trolling or just stupid.
tazzy349 11
unless the student is brittish
airforce987 20
More like FHL, you just pwned his ass.
annacd 6
That's the best insult ever
TarieBoo 2
i imagen him waving his arms about yelling that out the door...
haha4554 3
A black light does actually work. It detects any kind of bodily fluid.
ohmandapants 17
Seriously? Read the comments above you. We know it works. But NOT on skin.
mickypequi 13
No it does not.
Obeyy19 4
Actually it does. Read MY comment above! She's correct! Morons. I've seen it myself.
ohmandapants 17
^ oh, so your teacher made you rub cum all over your hands? I'm pretty sure he's not allowed to do that. Nice try.
ajeyness 10
73- semen is a liquid and the stuff you put on yourself is powder. Are you the only one who doesn't see the difference in those two things?
elmousey 5
87, no her teacher, who is a teacher, made her rum cum all over her hands.
JumbledGirl 2
Dude. Old and urban are opposites..
MissMae93 23
I think you're thinking of "old" and."modern" or "urban" and "rural".
kittenvks 11
No, no they're not
CandyDolll 7
I did not know a black light could show semen. I learned a new thing today lol
benhd1 14
Many bodily fluids contain fluorescent particles that "glow" under a black light Saliva, blood, semen, urine, etc. all glow under black lights The problem is people wash their faces and take showers so it wouldn't show up on them. You'll see it on some crime scene investigation shows, it's used quite a lot on Bones.
eyecon502 13
I have a feeling that, somewhere in America, an FES is missing.
urmomshouse 0
YDI for being a smart ass
PYLrulz 17
29 - I'd give him a YDI vote for ever believing such bullshit