Today, an exchange student was telling us how he once used a black light to detect semen stains on his "abstinent" ex-girlfriend's face. I called him out on the obvious lie, saying it's an old urban legend. He wigged out, screamed that I'm a "bastarding shite-wank" and ran out of class. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was at my friend's place with a bunch of people. I saw a pair of panties in his laundry basket, so of course I yelled, "DUDE! YOU GOT LAID!" Turns out he didn't get laid, he was 'experimenting'. He was so mortified, he burst out crying and threw us all out. FML
Today, I checked out a "confessions" page for my university. The first confession was from a guy who whacked off in a campus restroom then used a computer in a lab without washing his hands. I work in that lab. FML
Today, the fuck boi I’ve been seeing got so interested about my only bi experience, which was light petting in high school, that I’ve started making up far-fetched embellishments to the tale. I can’t believe the stuff this guy is willing to believe. FML
Today, I went with the kids I work with to a roller rink, where there are tons of black lights. Under the glow, I realized in horror that an old semen stain could be seen on my shorts. Praying no one saw, or realized what it was. FML
Today, I had to leave my one-night stand in my flat because I was giving a guest lecture at the local university. Halfway through, I hear someone sneaking in so I jokingly asked if they had a 'wild night out.' It was the guy I slept with. FML
Today, I found out that an annoying guy who had asked me out spread a nasty rumour after I stood him up. According to him, I not only showed up to our date, I also went home with him, had advanced sex with him, then in the morning when he woke up, I was having sex with his roommate. All our friends believe this. FML
Today, my college instructor told me I hadn't actually failed a big exam as he originally said. It turns out he'd mixed me up with another student. Now thanks to the power of gossip, half my class thinks I slept with him so he'd switch my grade with the other student's. FML
Today, I hooked up with a guy. After sex, I found him washing his penis with BLEACH. I asked what the hell he was doing; apparently his mother makes him do it because sex is sinful and dirty, and all unmarried women have STDs. WHAT THE… FML
Today, in one of the corridors at university, I was pretending to have passionate sex with one of my lecturers to make my mates laugh. She happened to walk by just at that moment. She reminded me when my next exam is; she will be marking me. FML
Today, one of my most problematic students remained after class, whence he strongly insinuated his interest in receiving oral sex; I tried to convey just how inappropriate that was, when he interrupted, "Look, will you at least touch it?" FML
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Top comments
haidere 3
Didn't know bastard could be used as a verb.
jerseyboy732 16
what the hell is a shite-wank??
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Comments (150)
keepmeonthedl 7
Urban legend? You really think that? Oh, man.
comedybreak 20
Who cares? You got your point across :p thats what counts. There are idiots in the world that would believe it, be happy you're not one.
sombi3 0
I know you can't find stains on your FACE with a black light but you can find them on fabrics,carpets,walls,furniture,etc. Oh n never EVER take a black light around your house because you'll never be able to sit anywhere In your house again.
keepmeonthedl 7
Ugh I can't even imagine how horrible any house would look under a black light.
jujubunni5 9
He might just be trying to "fit in"
eccentrix 12
Why is your life bad because a student shouted at you and ran away?
boycrazy30007 12
Black lights don't work when it's on SKIN. once the semen is wiped off it won't show up. It stains cloths and carpets, not skins.
shadowPlayer 6
And here I thought abstinent meant no real sex
seriouslythat 6
Abstinence is sex in general... At least that's what I was told in my church classes
perdix 31
It works if you convince the dumbass you're shining the light on that it works. He told her he detected cumstains, so she confessed. This should let you girls know yet another advantage of swallowing ;)
kalbrek009 20
I think you mean "myth", although....him running out will become a "legend"!
evilplatypus 39
Urban legend is a story/belief passed around as "fact" by word of mouth that is in actuality false. Myth generally refers to religion (though the bastardized version of its original meaning would work in this case). Both are correct, so your correction was irrelevant.
go_Banannas0814 0
Well next time don't be a self righteous pain in the ass and stop sweating the small stuff. If you keep up at the rate you are going, being called a "shite-wank" is the least of your worries.
Levvy 22
On the other hand, he won't be known as someone who stands there taking it from compulsive liars.
evilplatypus 39
24 - If you don't correct people when they're effin' WRONG, we'll have even more dumbasses than we have now. And where did you get "self-righteous" out of this post? I think you are just having flashbacks to when someone called you out on something stupid.