Today, an attractive woman looked in my direction and smiled. My wife saw this and stomped on my foot, and I screamed like a little girl from the pain. People turned and stared. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife has a bruise on her cheek from a nasty trip while practicing her yoga. She now thinks it's hilarious to flinch in public when I get near her, and keeps telling people she "walked into a door". I've gotten more dirty looks than I can count. FML
Today, I was at the store with my wife. As we were walking out, I helped an elderly woman get through the door. As I was opening the door, my foot got stuck on the door and my face was catapulted into the woman's breasts. It wasn't until we got into the car that my wife burst into hysterics. FML
Today, I was at a baby shower with my wife. I went to go outside for some fresh air, but walked straight into their glass sliding door. Everyone stared at me. I smiled with embarrassment and walked back over to my wife, only to trip over my own feet and faceplant the floor. FML
Today, while demonstrating to my wife how I broke my big toe, I broke the little toe on the opposite foot. FML
Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML
Today, a guy grabbed my ass at the mall. I whirled around and went to sock him. He ducked and I accidentally hit the elderly woman standing behind him in the face. To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. FML
Today, I was really excited to go on a date with my girlfriend. We were sat in the restaurant looking at our menus when she suddenly frowned and said someone was watching us from across the street. I turned to see who it was. My wife. FML
Today, while on my daily jog, I passed a very attractive girl. While passing her, she yelled "hey cutie". Trying to look cool, I tried turning around without stopping. I then fell off the curb and severely sprained my ankle. She caught up to help but was laughing the entire time. FML
Today, a woman was staring at me. This went on for about five minutes until I couldn't take it anymore. I screamed at her to cut it out. It turns out she had a lazy eye. FML
Today, I was walking down the street on my way to work, when an old lady's walking stick caught my leg and sent me crashing to the ground. She apologised for the accident and watched me stumble to my feet. I said not to worry. Just as I turned to leave, I could swear a smirk crept over her face. FML
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Top comments
interesting33 37
She stomped because someone smiled at you? But extreme isn't it? I know it's funny in the movies but in real life it's a possible red flag.
tearbear14 13
I used to do stuff like this to my SO until he pointed out how unhealthy it is and how he doesnt like it. I stopped doing it after that. maybe talk to her and tell her how you feel about it?
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Comments (17)
Davros 12
should of then said "And that's what you sound like"
Miriam Lauer 3
Sounds like she's super insecure. That's abusive and you should point that out to her. If you were ogling another woman I can understand her being a little upset but that wasn't okay. If you were just glancing around then she definitely needs to chill. Maybe counseling?
Taurus_ChicKa 37
Perhaps you shouldn't have mentioned that she was attractive? Either way, your wife seems pretty possessive. :O
Lisa Raible 7
And jealousy just reared its ugly head wow
kotolokacja 6
ohh thats awaful, very toxic, u should talk about it
Nico711 17
Sounds like someone wants attention