Today, after months of patiently trying to help my girlfriend deal with her anger issues, she dumped me in a blind rage for sneezing. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my allergies flared up and I started sneezing. I guess my girlfriend was having a bad day, because she lost her shit and started telling me how annoying I am and how I can never do anything right. I'm not sure if we're still a couple, because she stormed out and won't answer my calls. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for sneezing too many times during Game of Thrones. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm breaking up with her because she's very abusive. After a couple of seconds of awkward silence, she kicked me in the nuts and ran away. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Because she farted, and thought it was "too awkward". FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours, hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming, "I meant it!" FML
Today, my raving lunatic mother screamed at me for being "disrespectful", threatened to not pay for my college, swore at me, and accused me of having multiple personality disorder, all in rapid succession. This was provoked by me sneezing. FML
Today, I was on a date with a girl and everything was going great. As I took her back to her house and walked her to her door, I leaned in for a kiss. She seemed to really enjoy it, so I went for another but as I leaned in again, I sneezed uncontrollably, shooting her face with saliva and snot. FML
Today, due to my short temper, I punched myself in the nose because I wouldn't stop sneezing. FML
Today, while kissing my girlfriend's neck, I sneezed a blob of snot onto her. She told me that "it doesn't matter", while hiccuping a bit of vomit. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I had an argument. She admitted she didn't know why she was pissed at me, but still is, and now she won't talk to me. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
bheaze 20
To be honest, sounds like you dodged a bullet with that one.
ragnarok1540 39
It seems a career in psychiatry or psychology is not in your future ... In all seriousness, you are lucky to be out of that relationship; with such anger issues, it could easily have become abusive, if it was not already so.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (52)
tin_cup 27
Not even a professional can help this girl!
Seabass_Chan 33
I beg to differ.
TheFount 21
On what are you basing your claim?
MikaykayUnicorn 36
Don't think you've ever met an actual professional. They could help her. My dad was this bad and he has gone to many professionals and is entirely different now.
bheaze 20
To be honest, sounds like you dodged a bullet with that one.
negb 30
I'm not saying it's acceptable that OP's girlfriend had anger issues but it may not have been her fault. I was on a medication recently that caused me to start raging over nothing. I hated it but couldn't control it.
pandalover69 26
Unless they just started recently, it's probably not a medication. I do know what you mean, I was on an ADD medication that made me more anti-social and bitchier then I normally am. For the former that's saying something because I'm already anti-social. That medication literally ruined a job for me that really would have helped me in the long run.
negb 30
I realize it wasn't probably due to meds but it was worth a shot. At least someone understands (apparently most people didn't understand the point I was trying to make, seeing as I got down voted).
MikaykayUnicorn 36
#23, I don't understand why you are saying that it's unacceptable that she has anger issues. No matter if it's medication induced or not, it's not her fault. No one wakes up and decides to have anger issues. My brother has anger issues that stem from years of bullying and my dad has anger issues that stem from his PTSD from being in the military. Yes, it's best if she seeks help, but it is in no way unacceptable that she has a condition that she can't control on her own.
negb 30
I guess I didn't actually mean that. Just the way the other comment was worded..."sounds like you dodged a bullet on that one" and seeing how up voted it is seems to me like the majority of people blame others if they have anger issues.
hellnosucka 27
well, you shouldn't sneeze at all. just let it out of your other holes.
pantsmaster 6
Ear eruptions incoming.
pandalover69 26
Why is this down voted, it's obviously a joke.
izzajaneful 24
Because it is not a very funny joke.
MikaykayUnicorn 36
I thought it was hilarious, 43.
suznmar 16
Perfect time to get a new girlfriend with a better hot:crazy ratio
ragnarok1540 39
It seems a career in psychiatry or psychology is not in your future ... In all seriousness, you are lucky to be out of that relationship; with such anger issues, it could easily have become abusive, if it was not already so.
Mynxie 26
So because she dumped him, he would not do well in those fields? And for God sake, he doesn't have professional training to handle it. I am not sure how this post has so many likes. It is so idiotic.
InfiniteSunshine 32
I'm not sure you get the comment. The first part was like a sarcastic joke. He was highlighting the fact that the OP clearly doesn't have training in those fields, so it wouldn't really be expected of him to be good at it and it isn't his fault. Jesus, calm down.
Ashd09 30
Do you see that part where he says "in all seriousness" ? Yea that means that the first part was a joke. Calm down.
Seabass_Chan 33
It has liked because it was a joke. OP tried to help her and "failed" therefore the joke is that he wouldn't be a good mental health care worker. Jeez.
zxtq 14
Maybe you just have a really obnoxious sneeze?
iiTzNeeNerz 26
Really? You're gonna blame him for her crazy?
NYGiants1925 22
Sounds like she needs professional help
superjewguy 19
how dare you sneeze!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mungolikecandy 19
If she can get that furious over a sneeze it is not too significant a step to reacting violently for other perceived infractions which is where a lot of domestic abuse begins. You dodged a bullet (metaphorically and maybe literally) there and are far better off out of that relationship.
Dexter83_fml 17
I hope you let her keep the tissues. In all seriousness your better off without her mate.