Today, after letting the painters working on my house know that they're more than welcome to use my restroom, I walked outside only to find three of them pissing in my garden. One even aimed for my tomatoes. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I heard water dripping at the back of our house. I went to investigate, only to find a man peeing on our garden gnome. FML
Today, while laying out, I kept feeling something misty, like a spray bottle. Curious as to what it was since it kept coming, I looked up, only to see the painters were peeing over the side of the house, and the heavy breeze was turning their piss into a refreshing mist for me. FML
Today, I walked in on one of my housemates pissing in the kitchen sink full of dirty dishes. FML
Today, I was enjoying my dinner by my patio window when I spotted a cat roaming through my backyard. As I observed it explore my yard, I also watched as it climbed onto, then took a piss on the freshly clean clothes I had left to dry. FML
Today, I woke up and opened my curtains to see my gardener up a ladder in front of my window tending to the plants growing up the side of the wall. This would've been fine if his ballsack wasn't hanging out his shorts. FML
Today, I needed a pee while my dad was painting the bathroom and of course he warned me to not touch the wet paint. I started to pee and for maybe the third time in my whole life I did a two stream piss; one into the bowl and one all over the wet paint. I’m writing this hiding in my treehouse. FML
Today, both toilets in my house were occupied, so I had to shit outside. FML
Today, my cat pissed in my zen garden. FML
Today, at a party, my three friends and I thought it would be fun to urinate in a jug. We dislike the neighbours, so decided to throw the contents of the jug over the fence into their garden. It hit a tree and splashed back. I ended up covered in our piss. FML
Today, I had to pee in the kitchen sink because my bathroom is being completely revamped, and the only other toilet in the house is my parents'. They refuse to let anyone use it. FML
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Top comments
TheGamingGamer 28
Report them immediately. That's not ok, and you worked hard on your garden.
Justkidding100 41
serve them a special salad as a thank you.
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Comments (41)
Hammeredup 11
NOT THE TOMATOS!!
Bearsmomma 30
It's right there for you to copy.
TacoTheDank 27
Wow, what a creative comment.
Justkidding100 41
serve them a special salad as a thank you.
MisterKnowItAll 15
Maybe they were raised by wolves and were marking their territory.
DraconicFeline 31
Ah yes, those notorious wolf painters. You've really got to watch them.
RichardPencil 32
You must be pretty short for him to be able to hit your tomatoes. Or he's got a pretty powerful pee-stream!
BanjoCheeseGuy 26
Don't cross the streams!
popaulina 8
Generally men don't pee straight forward... gravity does some work...
TheGamingGamer 28
Report them immediately. That's not ok, and you worked hard on your garden.
Tripartita 45
And thus marks the last time you ever hire Amish painters.
stevenJB 25
other than the obvious charges, you think Thatd be some sort of biological hazard as they were urinating on your would be food without your knowing?
RichardPencil 32
Isn't that how you make ketchup?
MrsHumanFrog 19
sooooo Fired
Merganna 7
While I don't condone their behaviour, the gold lining here is they have actually helped the tomatoes. Research shows human urine is a great fertilizer for tomato plants. It's rich in nitrogen, potassium, and phosphate. Seriously. Google it.
TheHeirofTime 19
They were most likely aiming for the fruit themselves, not the leaves or the stem. Plus, it's highly unlikely they had good intentions. If they wanted to pee on OP's plants to fertilize them, they should have become gardeners.
Merganna 7
I agree. Their intentions seem pathetic at best. Regardless where the wannabe-gardener aimed though, the fact remains, the nutrients would likely end up in the soil from run-off alone and I'd think the OP would probably be washing the fruit before eating anyway. I'm not saying its OK, just that there is a positive to what happened, however small that positive might be.
vegantreegirl 26
That's how you spread illnesses. Urine is not sanitary to be around food.
Nonny_mouse 7
Urine is sterile unless you have a uti. Anyone who grows fruit and vegetables knows to wash them before eating them. Flys vomit on their food to predigest it before consuming and if you use pesticides you really don't want to ingest those.