Today, after being told by her therapist to try to make her kids a bigger part of her life because we're so distant from her, my mom's new favorite thing to do is to constantly use the words "YOLO" and "swag" around us. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my moms are driving me mad. My biological mom, a therapist, keeps telling me I need to try new things because life is short. My non-biological mom, a doctor, keeps telling me everything new I want to try has health risks that will shorten my life even further. FML
Today, my step-mom asked if I was having some eating issues. I admitted that maybe I've picked up some bad habits from friends and school. Now she won't stop bombarding me with self-help books and therapy websites. FML
Today, my mom friended all my friends on Facebook then thought it'd be a good idea to try and act like a teen so she'd be considered 'cool'. FML
Today, my mom discovered a new way to get over her breakup: yodelling. FML
Today, my mother learned a new expression and uses it in every sentence. Her special, new expression is "boom diggity." It's apparently "hip." FML
Today, I took my kids to visit their grandma. At one point while playing, my youngest said "Shit!", so I admonished her. My mom snorted and told me to "stop being such a little bitch", because it will make my kids into "lame prisses like their mother." FML
Today, my mom tried to give me a pep talk to boost my self confidence. Somehow, it ended up turning into a conversation about how much of a loser I am and how I have no friends. FML
Today, my mother is upset that I won’t share things with her anymore. This is the woman who spent my entire childhood gossiping about every teeny tiny detail of my life, and used my suicide attempt as a way to garner pity for herself. Yeah, no thanks. FML
Today, I discovered my mom has over 20 sites bookmarked on her laptop, all having to do with 'How To Boost Your Insecure Teen's Confidence' or 'How To Help Your Overweight Teen Have A Positive Self Image'. Thanks, Mommy. FML
Today, I went to family therapy because my mom wanted the family to be closer. When asked what her biggest disappointment was in life, she turned to me and said, "Having a gay son" then patted my hand, smiled, and said "No offense, honey." FML
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Top comments
eddeeezzyy 19
May God have mercy on this generation, that's all I ever hear nowadays. Even on Xbox Live.
Joshwarrior 39
you only live once sounds fine but saying yolo makes you sound like an uneducated idiot
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Comments (122)
eddeeezzyy 19
May God have mercy on this generation, that's all I ever hear nowadays. Even on Xbox Live.
jjessen 20
Kill it with fire!
fuzz97 23
what is "it"
Mossears133 15
Everything. Kill everything.
NoDontKillMe 19
1 - Especially on Xbox Live! Playstation Network also. They're all 12 year old swaggots!
euphoricness 28
34, your profile picture
Ajwc101 24
I feel bad for you.
mnvikes 7
Kill them all before they lay eggs!
xx000o 27
YOLO and swag are lightweight, it's the people that have to use "like" 50 times in every sentence. Oh, don't let me get started on "iconic"
5sonic 22
Wait, I'm confused. Who is "her". Sorry I'm just being stupid. :)
boojie97 12
I'm guessing his mother
Joshwarrior 39
you only live once sounds fine but saying yolo makes you sound like an uneducated idiot
SalviBarbie 15
If you just say 'YOLO' out loud, it kinda seems like you have a pronunciation problem of saying 'yellow' .. Then again, its overused so who doesn't know what it means.
Joshwarrior 39
talk about overused they have songs about it now :/ i prefer carpe diem sounds so much better
OhDearBetrayal 25
Unless of course you use it sarcastically.
pistachiopanda 19
It's also so silly to say.. You live every day, you only die once.
SystemofaBlink41 27
I hate that phrase, but I love saying it in moments that don't fit at all.
imagineapc 11
You English bad. Yes I did that intentionally.
greeneyedpothead 10
Who exactly is "her"??
3rdbass 9
How did this get approved?
bryfer 2
Who?
perdix 31
Maybe the therapist could prescribe that you use antecedents with your possessive pronouns, so we don't need to guess that "her" is your mother.
perdix 31
After I wrote this, "they" edited the story and "they" put in "my mom" just to make me look crazy.
zed34 18
I think it's funny that people use the phrase "swag" do they know that back in the 80's "swag" meant secretly we are gay?? Lord help the stupid kids of today!
fuzz97 23
wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong. "swag" is derived from the word "swagger" which has been around since the 1300s. in the late 1700s, pirates used "swag" as another word for "booty" or "plunder". it has absolutely 0% to do with homosexuality. time to stop believing everything you see on Facebook.
commonlogicz42 6
I've also heard swag quite commonly referred to marijuana of severely below average potency.
Steve95401 49
Swag has also been used for many years to describe items that are a given out as gifts or promotion samples.
mrtonyanderson 20
You're thinking of "schwag"
mrtonyanderson 20
@32 btw
Jelbeztok 17
@17 the legend is the 60s, but even though its not true it stopped most of the people at my school from saying it.
lolmigosh 15
At first I was confused because this FML didn't clearly state who it was referring to, but know I get it and oh those parents that try to have more in common with their kids but end up looking goofy... Gotta love them!