Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my brother got a pet ferret. He told me it had a flexible spine, so I bent it backwards. It farted, and clawed my face. FML
Today, I warned my new boyfriend not to approach my ferret, as he is still quite young and bites when he plays. He ignored me completely because “animals love him”, and when my ferret latched onto his finger, he threw him across the room. Now I can’t find him anywhere in the house. FML
Today, I was on a job trial at the local pet shop and, naturally, was doing all the disgusting jobs. As I was cleaning the kittens' litter in the cat enclosure, someone thought it would be funny to lock me in there. I sat in a giant cage in the middle of the store with people laughing at me. FML
Today, at work, a lady came in to have her glasses fixed. When she opened her case, an earwig crawled out. Instead of trying to kill it, she just left it and watched as it crawled over my desk and behind my computer. I later found the earwig in my hair. FML
Today, I was at a pet store cuddling an apparently overaggressive chinchilla when it decided to bite me and run out of my hands. It is now nowhere to be found and I have to pay for it. FML
Today, I picked my dog up and nibbled her ear. On the tip of her ear was a large tick, which burst, sending blood into my mouth. FML
Today, I got my tongue pierced, then went to a pet store. A clerk came up to ask if I needed help. I showed him I already had some fish, and said, "No thanks." He must have thought I was "special," as he bent down and in a baby voice, said "You got fishy? FISHY FISHY FISHY!" while poking the bag. FML
Today, while at work for a dog groomer, I picked up a new puppy that came in for a groom. I held it up at face level with me, baby talking it, when it promptly began peeing. Luckily, it didn't get on my clothes. Unluckily, it got onto my face and into my mouth. FML
Today, I rushed to a job interview, but my cat rubbed against me, covering my suit in fur. I grabbed a lint roller, tripped over the cat, and knocked out a front tooth. I showed up sweaty, disheveled, and missing a tooth. I didn’t get the job. FML
Today, I tried to pet what I thought was a cute cat under my porch. As it turned out, it was actually a raccoon. It hissed at me, and I screamed so loud that my neighbors came running. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Mama_Umbridge 8
With your fancy new ferret earring?
yahoowizard 16
That's one way to shoplift
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (89)
hayesc1 0
that's why you don't put a ferret you don't know by your face dumbass...I was probably the one working at the pet store and laughing at your stupidity.
hateevryone 15
you won't be working there.
ilove80smetal 8
Free ferret, great. How you gonna feed it now? You can't go back to the store I take it. Unless you can get seeds to latch to your ear.
jillybean555 5
Don't you just love ferrets?
vbmg152 19
I've had ferrets for years! I love them! They're great fun! We only have one right now but we've had up to 8 at one time! They're hilarious!
ItsTheMo 10
Lol, they do that..
4wow4 0
So thats where our ferret went.....
Thatguy5806 2
I guess it liked the taste of your face
kissmyace3115 0
Wtf??!
HunterAlpha1 8
when i was a little kid visiting my dad's house one of his ferrets scratched me on the arm. he refused to have it tested for rabies so i had to get the rabies shots :-(
geekygirl88 2
#80 - Rabies testing kills the animal that's being tested. That's probably why your dad made you get the rabies shot instead of sending his pet off to be tested.
HunterAlpha1 8
my dad didn't take me to get the rabies shot, my mom, who lived in Virginia, had to pay for it and listen to me scream at each session(had to do it a couple times a week for several weeks). my dad did it to spite my mom because they were divorced and he hated her.
artpunkny 1
well that is pretty dumb. the chances of getting rabies from a scratch are way less than a bite, especially for a pet ferret, which most likely wouldn't even be exposed to rabies since they can't just be left to run outside alone. Also, you can just watch the ferret for 10 days, if it's still healthy it doesn't have rabies. Your dad is the smart one, and your mom put you through unnecessary unpleasantness.
HunterAlpha1 8
i think though, that once you start the treatments you can't stop until they're completed or you can get all kinds of nasty infections or some such shit, and if we had waited the 10 days and it had transmitted rabies then it probably would've been too late for me :-( also, consider that just because the animal doesn't exhibit the symptoms of rabies doesn't mean it's not a carrier.