Today, after a year and a half, I finally admitted to myself that I'm in an abusive relationship. Not with a person though. With my cat. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realised that I have a better relationship with my cat than I do with my boyfriend. FML
Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML
Today, I moved in with my boyfriend. Up until now, I thought my cat was the only four year-old I had to deal with. FML
Today, my cat still loves my boyfriend more than me. I spent around 6 months convincing my boyfriend to get a cat. FML
Today, after I got a cat to help with my anxiety, it turns out he also has anxiety. FML
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave. Every time I try, he blocks the door, hisses and tries to savage me. I'm my own cat's bitch. FML
Today, I bought my girlfriend a cat. I now have a cat and no girlfriend. FML
Today, I realized I'm trapped. I might be heading into an abusive relationship that I won't be able to escape, but I can't leave because then I'd break his heart and I love him too much for that. FML
Today, I realized that since I started working full time, the only friend I have left is my cat. Lonely and bored out of my mind, I told him about my day. He decided to end the conversation by shitting on the floor. FML
Today, I got a new cat. He's outrageously clingy. Like, "extremely unhealthy obsession with me" clingy. I just wanted an emotional support animal, but it looks like I have become an emotional support animal instead. I feel terrible for trying to get him to not want to be with me all the time. FML
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Top comments
nerdsgetmehot 23
Isn't everyone, really? We let those furry little monsters get away with a lot just because they're cute. My cat abuses me on a regular basis.
lexex1 4
Pussy whipped ;)
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Comments (106)
OFWGKTADGAF 0
does that cat abuse you...or do you abuse the cat O.o
milky0candy 0
An abusive relationship with your cat? Get a life, OP.
milky0candy 0
It's funny. It's ironic. I'm mocking OP
13FTW 9
Another person to fall into the clutches of Alan's ultra amazing comments. Poor ******.
dcaruso 1
Put to the fml team - get whatever is up your ass removed. Such comments as yours are meant to be made from a private account so we can bury it. As insensitive as his comment is he is right. Ass
Nutty4Muffs 3
Kudos for standing up to Alan I guess. Wait no, we all love Alan. **** you.
Sirin_fml 47
@dcaruso: As you said "FML team" and not "Alan" specifically, by all means, please create your own website or blog, from where you may shout about the injustice of not being able to obscure some text on a random website you visited. We promise we will not get high and cry about it in your comments section.
rawrkittyrawr 6
The FML team gang bangers strike again!!!!
13FTW 9
66, prepare to be forever buried as you just insulted the ultimate gods of FML. Alan is a god and sirin is 100 Alan's. So watch out. Ass.
TheDeadlyTurtle 7
13+ 66 I will destroy u with my cookie turtles and if that doesn't work I'll just throw angry kittens at u.
maxrmaxr 5
Your a punk, keep dick riding your cat (Alan)
seximexi911 10
Don't be a pussy.
midoriMentality 11
I've woken up to one of my cats punching me in the face.. that was weird.. Cats do what they want. I've got one with anxiety, that runs when you move in the same room, and the other that thinks they own EVERYTHING, and wears a sweater, so I forgive him :)
nerdsgetmehot 23
Me too! I was sleeping with my cat on the bed when he was 3 months old at the time. I woke up to a smack in the face, complete with claws.
FYLDeep 26
It takes a certain masochistic quality to own a cat. Ask Alan if you don't believe me.
leadman1989 16
They were worshiped as gods... do you think they're gonna take YOUR shit? Lol
leadman1989 16
Have you seen the cat videos on YouTube? Those old sandy mofos were onto something!
tigrouficele2012 44
Pssh. If you're looking for an equal relationship with your cat, you're looking in the wrong place. Cats are our masters, and they damn well know it. Blame the ancient Egyptians.
asia3pea90 13
This is so stupid. Its not even funny...
raphanne_fml 33
Do you have a dryer? ;)
yake12 0
Haha I love former fml references!
PokeTrainer97 0
Animal abuse isn't funny...
Nutty4Muffs 3
When there's a dryer involved, it's pretty funny.
raphanne_fml 33
#72 I would never abuse my cat. It was just a joke about a previous FML... *sigh*
DontModMeDammit 10
72, yet you seem to be wearing fur in your picture..
hateevryone 15
ummm so your cat abuses you?
kopherbanana 8
Now I know Im not alone.