Today, after a long night of drinking and partying, I woke up in my bed next to a beast of a woman. At least I know I made it home safely. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find a very gorgeous girl in my bed. Her only words to me were "did anything happen?" When I replied yes she began to cry. Nice to know I was someone's rock bottom. FML
Today, I woke up from a night of crazy drunken sex with a guy I had met at a friends 23rd birthday party. The lights had been off when we had stumbled in to his house the night before. When I opened my eyes today, the first thing I saw was his family picture, complete with his wife and son. FML
Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML
Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment, followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father, who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML
Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML
Today, after working a 24-hour shift I was finally able to get some sleep. Not even an hour after falling asleep, I was woken up by my drunk husband humping my leg. FML
Today, after a long night of partying, I fell asleep, while my bride was delivering her vows. FML
Today, I woke up after a long night of taking care of my drunken husband. I guess I should feel lucky I don't have a generic, "He wet the bed in his sleep" story, and instead have a unique, "He got out of bed and peed on me" story. FML
Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML
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Top comments
marinus_fml 20
Could have been worse! It could have been a beast of a man!!
shameless58 0
with herpes and a head full of regrets!
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Comments (192)
whcwtexan 0
fat women need loving too...
ninjacutie 6
oh cmon be nice! shes probably a good person if you talk to her! I'm not saying you have to ask her out or nothing but try and find something good in her and compliment her, make her feel like it wasn't only because you were drunk that made you take her home... sometimes a kind lie is better then a painful truth…
nissanman_fml 16
Yeah, until she starts stalking you because she thinks you're interested.
stevendsi 0
oooh sounds like rough fun ;)
lovinj 2
agrred
FireSphinx 5
did u discover the Sasquatch in your bed ?
textwork 4
that's why you don't go to the bar with those kinda girls....
flockz 20
is beastly ass hairy? cuz if it is then no it's not better.
Veraymix 6
Beastly women have feelings too.
perdix 31
Not so fast. If she regularly has one-night stands, you probably are harboring one or more STDs. On the other hand, if she rarely has sex, you probably just won yourself a stalker!
Surferbro 5
Scary
johnnyredcorn 5
Give the woman some credit, she probably carried you home safely home. ;)
johnnyredcorn 5
home safely* O_o
PandaFlavoured 0
lol. Guessing you were distracted and forgot what you typed for a second there? Happens to me all the time xD