Today, after a long night of drinking and partying, I woke up in my bed next to a beast of a woman. At least I know I made it home safely. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find a very gorgeous girl in my bed. Her only words to me were "did anything happen?" When I replied yes she began to cry. Nice to know I was someone's rock bottom. FML
Today, I woke up from a night of crazy drunken sex with a guy I had met at a friends 23rd birthday party. The lights had been off when we had stumbled in to his house the night before. When I opened my eyes today, the first thing I saw was his family picture, complete with his wife and son. FML
Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML
Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment, followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father, who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML
Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML
Today, after working a 24-hour shift I was finally able to get some sleep. Not even an hour after falling asleep, I was woken up by my drunk husband humping my leg. FML
Today, after a long night of partying, I fell asleep, while my bride was delivering her vows. FML
Today, I woke up after a long night of taking care of my drunken husband. I guess I should feel lucky I don't have a generic, "He wet the bed in his sleep" story, and instead have a unique, "He got out of bed and peed on me" story. FML
Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML
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Top comments
marinus_fml 20
Could have been worse! It could have been a beast of a man!!
shameless58 0
with herpes and a head full of regrets!
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Comments (192)
ChickenInMyKitch 4
OH YOU'RE A DICK
JetLifeNextLife 0
kinkyyyyyy! FYL
worldcupcheer17 0
that's probably a really disturbing sight to look at..
Idonebeenhad 17
she got lucky
iSitt 0
beasts need love too
dagrathe 0
i lol'ed to hard at that^
lendalynn 5
YDI....and FYL
YacL 15
"You'll get no sympathy from me" - Ike
Kawboy 1
Don't worry op, an awkward morning is always better than a boring night! :)
urdirtyolduncle 15
You sure that beast was a women?
MissBunnyWillEat 11
Don't lie to yourself, OP. She rocked your world.
dernsaw 0
Nothing more satisfying than climbing over her huge body to check your alarm clock.
nyrangers1022 6
she probably picked u up, and had u dangling by ur ankles, swinging u back and forth
olpally 33
more like.. yikes!! I'd run the hell out of there... lmao.. that's crazy shit op!!
Jimmyd0t 0
kinky indeed
daltyboy 0
I wud be very happy OP unless if u had a girlfriend thts a whole different story
daltyboy 0
excus my comment I didn't read clearly I thought it said breast
a_nutritionist 10
i think the fml is for waking up with someone like you. you **** random women who you dont find attractive because youre too drunk to know any better, then bitch about it on the internet to strangers...yeah, **** her life for sleeping with someone that pathetic.
Velocirahptor 6
I interpreted this FML as him cleverly implying that he woke up next to his wife after a night of drinking.
a_nutritionist 10
ah good call. if thats true then touche to him. if not, my previous comment stands.
ColdplaySucks 18
You get what you deserve when you get drunk OP. Too bad no ever learns this until after.
zojieeu 6
all men like it kinky (:
lareske 0
You don't look at the mantlepiece when stoking the fire so don't sweat it be happy you got some.
ericownz101 0
Not a big deal.. fatties need love too. Just roll her up in flour, and aim it for the wet spot!
drunkinstl 0
I wanna go to bunny land :(
heroqucas 25
46- I read it in Ike's voice before seeing that you had actually quoted him
shameless58 0
with herpes and a head full of regrets!
Poopolicious 5
hey you just gotta catch them all ;)
sweetcheeksjvl 0
exactly...hopefully OP wore a condom if not he will have little beasts and/or an STD.
LaDeeDaDeeDaLaLi 0
he's got a BEAST OF BURDEN!!!!!!!!
marinus_fml 20
Could have been worse! It could have been a beast of a man!!
Takador 3
I wouldnt mind waking up with Hugh Jackman/Wolverine...
SpeakingMyMind 0
Oh what do you know, Mr. Boflex? heh. just kidding.
abcdefg123456_sg 0
@SpeakingMyMind... your name is ironic cause you said your very quiet lol
ohyeah101 0
lmao xD
leanzasummerreal 0
good one.
sheraden0705 0
haha
LissaMccracken 23
@ 157, 169 - What's the point of even commenting when you can't think of any thing more interesting to say other than "Haha"? It shows how boring you are, you know.
T1A2Z3 35
Or a beast of a beast
T1A2Z3 35
Or a beast of a beast
T1A2Z3 35
Or a beast of a beast
Darcon 8
Omg check if ur manhood hasnt been stolen and taken to be used as a *****! Thats what happened to my bro.. Sad sad story..
johnnyredcorn 5
Check if his junk is stolen? Nah.
sheethapins 13
Your brother's manhood was stolen to make a ***** after a drunken one night stand with a beastly woman? Sorry I think I missed that FML.
muselover23 0
...um, well that sounds dreadfully awkward.
sweetness17 7
so does that mean you have a sister now?
seztacular 6
She was probably the best you can get.
kangaru1 0
I know right!
cooldude77 10
the best a man can get (gillette) lol
meowcat_1 0
What did she do then?
schwingy 0
at least u didn't wake up on a love couch in a strange house with a drunk guy trying to cuddle with you without any pants
Ranimal 12
I told you not to tell anyone!
crymore007 11
it happens more often than you'd like.
Saltime 0
And how many times is that?
Katie_the_Great 6
10 saying that from experience?
Leo_C_fml 0
Seems like firsthand experience there, #10
hotair10 9
sounds like you know all about this subject 10
wdfcrystal 6
Quite a vivid imagination you have there... heh.
Quest_ 13
YDI for calling a woman a beast (and not in the good way), prick.
GypsyHearted 2
Absolutely!
whcwtexan 0
you both are beasts.
thebigj98 0
^^ agreed
kingfin88 0
you would say that cuz your ugly
Quest_ 13
I know, your mum told me last night.
johnnyredcorn 5
3 golden stars for you.
kgage88 0
on a lighter note, johnnyredcorn is gorgeous...
rmullen13 4
Yes we should all be kind, but some woman are not beautiful
griddy24 18
Yes lets made generalizations about women’s beauty for everyone because beauty is definitely objective, right? PS Studies have shown that way more men enjoy bigger bodied women than previously thought, but they keep it secret because hey, being open about that would involve having balls. Because the only way to get that status is by having a starved-looking girlfriend. Smh
wondabitch 0
The question is... was she any good?
LissaMccracken 23
If he doesn't remember her from last night, he won't remember if she was any good...