Today, I took my daughter to the zoo, because she loves tigers. Correction: she used to love tigers, until one sprayed urine on her from a distance of four meters. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I took my daughter to the zoo. I threw a piece of my sandwich towards a very cute chimpanzee. As a thank you, he threw a piece of crap at me, which exploded all over my shirt. FML
Today, my family, including my 2 year old niece, went to the zoo. We were at the lion exhibit. I was holding my niece so she could get a better view of the lions. As I was holding her, the lions started to roar. She got so scared that she peed. Her diaper wasn't very absorbent, but my shirt was. FML
Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML
Today, I ran full speed into a brick wall because I saw a tiger. On the other side of a zoo cage. FML
Today, I went to clean my cat's litter box, not realizing she was in it. As I lifted the top half of the litter box up, she sprayed me with piss. FML
Today, I was walking at a section of the zoo where you are in the cage, and the monkeys are climbing outside of the cage. I was having a great time until I looked up and one of the monkeys urinated all over my face. Not only did everyone see, but there was no way for me to shower for six hours. FML
Today, I went to a petting zoo with my niece and nephew. While we were checking out the llamas, one of them spat directly into my face. Disgusted and embarrassed, we turned away to pet a deer. The deer immediately urinated, then shook its tail, which splattered it into my face. FML
Today, our family went to a water park. The park's mascot came up to greet us, and my daughter got scared. She then refused to go inside, so we had no choice but to leave. FML
Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided it would be a funny idea to spray me with a hose while I was holding a kitten, showing her how cute we were. Needless to say, now I'm covered head to toe in cat scratches. FML
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Top comments
HrothgarXII 21
As much as that sucks, you gotta admit, that's pretty impressive.
natheitz 23
They're GREAT
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Comments (96)
OfficialEarth 12
I hope this doesn't ruin the zoo for her OP, it's a cool place full of other cool animals. Good luck!
Calingaladha 21
As a future warning, if a tiger's hindquarters are facing you, and the tail is raised, then you should run. Same goes for any cat. Or hippos, but that'll be a shit splatter.
I_cant_think 10
My cats tail is always raised. Should I be worried about a sneak piss attack?
kittykat1501 31
Not unless it squats
Calingaladha 21
#67 I just think it's better safe than sorry. Cat pee smells terrible.
CliffyB03 28
Tony no!
Nina825 21
Heyy he is marking his territory !!!!!
FlyestBoy 11
Is the tiger's name R Kelly by any chance?
taaywall 13
HAHAHAHA you win.
whitevenom 12
Skeet skeet
IssacB 14
..I believe the tiger just claimed your daughter man xD
xpsychocatladyx 15
that sucks but I seriously can not stop laughing!!
Kavka 17
Lol 148-154 how is this your fault? We can't control how tigers pee. That being said, it sucks your daughter had to go through that.
cathrope 10
That's a sign that the tiger likes her :-P