Today, my man and I were having sex on edge of bed. We were using chocolate spread and I was riding him. When we were done, he got up and I noticed a long brown line on the edge of the bed. I knelt down to smell it. It was NOT chocolate. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband and I were about to have sex for the first time in months. We wanted to spice things up by using chocolate sauce during a blowjob, but the chocolate glued his foreskin to his penis and he cried. Safe to say the dry spell continues. FML
Today, I was being playful with my boyfriend and put a chocolate between my legs. He bit the chocolate. My lips too... FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try something new in bed. He blindfolded me and I felt something cold on my lady parts. Five seconds later it started burning so I looked. He decided to use toothpaste because he couldn't find chocolate sauce to lick off. It hurts to pee. FML
Today, I bought body chocolate to use in bed with my boyfriend in the hopes of spicing things up. Everything was going great, until I tasted it. It was disgusting and actually made me gag a little. Later, my boyfriend checked the label and started laughing. It had expired 3 years ago. FML
Today, my husband shit himself a little during sex, but tried to keep going because he was "so close" and didn’t want to ruin the orgasm. I, of course, shoved him away but it was already down my leg and had stained our cream bedsheets. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he suddenly stopped and walked to the kitchen. He decided to bake chocolate chip cookies in the midst of our intimate moment. However, he told me we could still keep at it while the oven preheated. FML
Today, while my husband and I were having sex, we were trying this strawberry flavored lube which had a very strong candy smell. My husband starts laughing mid-performance, looks me in the eye, and exclaims "F*CK THE RAINBOW, TASTE THE RAINBOW!" FML
Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room, he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me, I spread my legs to help out. He then looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML
Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML
Today, I was fooling around with my husband on the bed. I was excited as he lifted my arms up in a seductive way, only to roll deodorant under my armpits. FML
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Top comments
Chase55 1
my friends first sexual experience was when he was 16, he was eating out this asian college girl. She lost control and shit all over his face. i cherish that story, and wanna tell my kids about it one day. "Hey kids! wanna hear one about your uncle james?"
Cloudy_fml 0
Someone needs to learn to wipe better...
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Comments (106)
poptartkid 0
...YEAH RIGHT fake
commonsensex 0
I'm on the phone. My friend is trying to figure out why I can't stop saying ew.
Noxic 0
At least you didn't assume it was chocolate and lick it off the bed.
skyttlz 32
oh that would be sick XD
im_a_dinosaur 0
hahahahahaha oomggg ewwww why wuld you use chocolate spread to have sex..
happyhak 5
Why share your private sex life on a website???
minenotyours 0
reminds me of an april fools joke... lol :)
martic835 2
That's why you only use whip cream. Chocolate syrup FTW!
xvxblackdahlia 0
o gawd
bobmandude 0
Point taken #1
bobmandude 0
Oh and... oops.