Kids: The zoo - FML

The zoo

By margretlle - 26/04/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML

agreeclassic 54 756

vote type 1 8 421

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Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

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Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up, and attacked my face. FML

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Today, I tripped over my dog while carrying groceries. As I laid on the floor surrounded by smashed eggs, spilled milk, and a bruised knee, my dog stole the bread from the bag and and ran off. FML

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By birdbath - 08/11/2009 07:26 - United States

Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML

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TOP COMMENTS

24788 6

Sunday 26 April 2009 13:57

I think they planned that one out. Lol owned

SwaggerDownPat 0

Monday 12 March 2012 4:48

What exactly was the point of that comment?

Comments

kei1108 13

Sunday 12 June 2011 7:40

Haha!! I'm so sorry!!! This just such an unfortunate series of events...

cinderellabarbie 1

Saturday 20 August 2011 10:56

Hows the bird

harttyrelly 4

Sunday 11 September 2011 6:26

Poor dog

Soreeyeah 17

Wednesday 2 November 2011 5:10

Were they plotting against you? Lol

Almighty_Chris97 6

Monday 9 January 2012 4:43

Nobody is acknowledging the fact the this person has a ******* parrot!

MissNicky_fml 0

Tuesday 29 May 2012 0:33

Fake. Thats all im gonna say

gionatorinc 5

Tuesday 5 June 2012 4:52

And this is yet another reason why I have fish...

Headcrab 29

Sunday 21 July 2013 17:45

Are you a pirate?

goth_pixie 15

Saturday 9 November 2013 0:23

Is your dog ok?

Baller_Bob 17

Saturday 15 March 2014 4:35

Polly want a concussion?

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I'm scared to leave my bedroom. During the night, what must have been a giant spider made a web 4 feet wide stretching from the lightbulb to the tv and then down to the desk corner. It's blocking my path to the door and I can't tell where the 8-legged bastard is hiding. FML

agreeclassic 2 752

vote type 1 436

Today, I'm trying to sleep off a cold as my roommate plays video games in his adjacent room. He doesn't rage or get excited often, and he can control it even more if he really needs to, but it's still enough to keep me painfully awake, along with my cold. Every minute feels like an eternity. FML

agreeclassic 790

vote type 1 214

Today, I got written up and may be placed under suspension due to my recent 5 consecutive day unscheduled absence. When I told them I was on a Bereavement Leave, they still will not accept my excuse because its still considered as "unscheduled". FML

agreeclassic 2 323

vote type 1 201

Today, my wife told me she wanted to try something that would turn me on immediately. While I was in our bed, she came in, wearing only the underwear she took from our 13 year-old daughter's closet. Now she doesn't understand why I'm genuinely disgusted and don't want to have sex with her. FML

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vote type 1 178

Today, my Uber driver tried to detour my trip home to take me on a date to Waffle House, even after I showed zero interest and talked about my boyfriend non-stop. FML

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Today, whilst driving past a cyclist, I thought it would be funny to make him jump by blasting my horn right behind him and then driving off. I guess he thought it would be funny to catch up with me, yank off my wing-mirror, and hurl it through the open window at my face. FML

agreeclassic 14 715

vote type 1 117 342