Today, I started work at my new job. I was excited to have been given an office of my own, but shortly after sitting down at my desk, the door across the hall opened and an unspeakably murderous stench that could've curdled milk seeped in. My office is opposite the men's room. Great. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I walked into my new office for the first time after receiving the promotion I've been trying for. Someone took a dump on my desk. FML
Today, after working alone in a room all day, I let a fart sneak out. Just then, my drop dead gorgeous boss and two new girls walked in. I could literally see them hit the stench and cringe. FML
Today, I was alone at the office. Having held it in all day, I let out the longest, worst-smelling fart of my life. The owner of the company, investigating the odd noise, opened my office door. When the stench hit him, he walked backwards all the way to his office, staring at me, in silence. FML
Today, I unlocked the door at work and was immediately hit with the most disgusting smell I've ever encountered. Imagine the worst fart you've ever smelled, coupled with sewerage, and mold. The windows don't open. I have the door wide open and have used a whole can of Glen 20. It has done nothing. FML
Today, my office smells like a giant turnip green fart because of a sewage leak. FML
Today, I started at my new job. Turns out my boss is a complete douchebag. He spent most of the day looking over our shoulders and making cuntish comments about our work, then called a guy a piece of shit for farting, and forced him to spray disinfectant on his chair. FML
Today, I had to train a new guy whose body odor was killing me. After he'd left, I had to run two industry size fans to blow the stench out of my office. FML
Today, I walked into the ladies' bathroom to find my male boss taking a dump with the stall door wide open. FML
Today, while on lunch break, my fat, old co-worker walked into the break-room. I managed to block out his perverted heavy breathing, but had to leave when he began emitting a terrible odor that smelled like cheesy, sweaty molding feet. I barely held onto my lunch. FML
Today, I have a new office-mate. I'm not particularly sensitive to odours but he wears so much cologne, I nearly throw up every time he walks in. Only 8 more hours till fresh air. FML
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Top comments
aFatFuck 0
unspeakable things happen in there...
forkbrother13 0
air freshners. lots and lots of air freshners. i love you.
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Comments (107)
perdix 31
Man, you've got the seat of power! Don't worry about the stench -- olfactory fatigue will set in and you won't notice anything. Here's why it's the seat of power: If there is an issue where you want rapid capitulation to your way, stop people on their way in -- they'll agree to whatever you want. On the other hand, if you have to deliver some unpleasant news, catch them on their way out. Nothing softens the blow like having finished off a nice, satisfying dump or a piss (I exaggerate. Other things soften the blow better, but I assume you don't want to give blumpkins.)
trenton829 0
frabreeze!!!
Ghostkiller12345 9
Did you fail school? I'd say you do because look at how you spelt febreeze...
tylersign 11
33- What's spelt..?
darkmis1 18
"Spelt" is the past tense of "spell". "Spelled" isn't the only version that can be used.
Ghostkiller12345 9
57 You didn't listen in English class right?I didn't either.Joke
onthetoilet 3
Can you say peep show
ArielTheMermaid 17
Time for a glade plug in
TheMasticater 9
Zeke the guitar lord in your pic :D
Stylin_Since_97 10
Now that's what i call a stinky situation hahahahahahahahah. . . No? Anybody?
Ghostkiller12345 9
Hahahaha. No, so shhhh
volleychick55 0
Haha yeah right here lol
bcan 3
Stop whining!
v421iv 0
You should be happy you have a goddamn job
lulututu 4
Exactly what I'm thinking.
meganseesstars 9
shut yo door. and open a goddamn window. get sum of those fancy smelling plugins or a nice vanillerr candle. or maybe tell ur co workers to lay off the chilli and eat some more fawking green beans!!
constantine91 0
Vanilla? Dumb ass.
mk58 31
do u always tawk liike this, or can u not fawking type?
meganseesstars 9
hey chill out. i can spell it anyway i want to.
TrollisMe 5
The word choice that FML writers use to describe events never ceases to amaze me.
kmtetour 1
yeah... me too. For five-plus years. Usually it's OK, but occasionally I want to die. The worst part for me is actually the sounds that come out of there.