Today, it's my birthday. My dad was supposed to take me to get a tattoo, but instead he went to the bar, got drunk, and told me how I was the biggest mistake he and my mom have ever made. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it's my 15th birthday. My dad stumbled into my bedroom at six in the morning, completely drunk, and slurred the "Happy Birthday" song. Then he told me to go fuck myself, and said that he wished I was never born. Me too, dad. Me too. FML
Today, my parents took me out to dinner. I thought they were taking me because it's my birthday. Turns out they are getting divorced. They forgot it was my birthday. FML
Today, it was my birthday. I had an appointment at the dentist and went to do some shopping after that. A while after I got home, I met my dad and he just started complaining that I didn't spend any time with them on my birthday. When I tried to explain to him, he just got angry at me and started yelling. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My dad showed up to my birthday dinner wasted, was loud and obnoxious the whole time, sexually harassed our waitress, then invited my annoying, bratty nephews to come home and spend the night with us. They're sleeping in my room. Happy birthday to me. FML
Today, it's my 21st birthday and my dad has decided to take away my ID in fear that if I have even one drink to celebrate I'll become a raging alcoholic. FML
Today, it's my birthday and my mom took me and some friends to an amusement park. Looking for a tampon, I found a phone in my mom's purse that I didn't recognize. Turns out my mom is cheating on my dad. Happy birthday to me, I guess. FML
Today, it's my 21st birthday. I got a call from my deadbeat dad, who I thought had finally mellowed and had something nice to say. Nope; he just told me I'm 21 years a disappointment, then hung up. FML
Today, it was my dad's birthday. As a joke, I got him one of those big erasers that say, "FOR BIG MISTAKES." He opened it, tried to erase me with it, then said, "It doesn't work." and left. FML
Today, my dad had his 45th birthday and got so drunk he couldn't walk. He crawled along, crying, saying that his whole life was a failure because he had "a shitty job, a fat girlfriend, and a dipshit son who's never going to move out." I haven't moved out because I'm 18 and still at high school. FML
Today, I was having my birthday party. My dad showed up late, blind drunk, and drove his car straight through my garage door. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
Who would think that a guy who would take his daughter to a tattoo parlor would allow demon alcohol to pass his lips? I didn't see that coming! I'm sorry you had to hear that, but you should have replied, "Yeah, but you still owe me a gift, Lock-Pockets." My late dad used to say that having us kids was the greatest thing he ever did. My mom agreed when it came to my brother and sister, but when it came to me, she said, "Mmmmm. Not so much." FML!
mama2b3 20
awh how sweet of him. arent dads just the greatest!?
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Comments (72)
FYLDeep 26
Alcohol will extend your life if you use it properly.
daywalker26 0
payback is fun! put ice in his bed or 1000 tacs, exlax in his food, flush the toilet every time he's in the shower... I can go on for days! used to torment my stepfather that was a douche!
Hyperactiveee 0
isn't your dad just the greatest??
iheartglasses 0
Learn to be more self sufficiant and leave the old fart. The best weapon against parents whose lives you "ruined" is showing them how great your life is without them :)
RebelHeart7 0
men... always the foulest
xxjoseph1543xx 0
YDI for being a girl and wanting a tattoo, it's an extreme turn-off and looks ****** gross
maszaros 9
Gotta love middle America! Call Jerry Springer!
yusaku02 20
YDI for wanting a tattoo. Probably a tramp as well
chobitschibi1369 0
I think we may have the same father. Except usually booze is not needed.
vkon 0
keep in my mind, that you will be married to an exact replica of your father who I'm sure is a delight. you will probably have three kids, hopefully all girls, because when daddy abuses them (which will happen) they will grow up to either strippers or pornstars. I'd rather have that because if you have boys, we'd all gave to add another deadbolt to our doors. do us all a favor, forget the tramp stamp that you were going to get and finish school, get a job and fight to keep it. and for gods sake, do not fall in love with the first person you meet. cause the scenario I just mapped out will become a reality. love Adam corolla and dr. drew.