Today, my husband is still swearing he’s not cheating, forgetting I have a bachelor's in criminal justice with a minor in criminology. Leaving for work 2 hours early going to the same address every morning? Late every evening going to the same said address? How stupid does he think I am? FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I came to found out that every time my husband told me that he was on "a work trip", he was actually cheating on me with some other bitch. FML
Today, my husband admitted that he's been spying on me for the last 5 years to see if I was cheating, out of paranoia brought on by his own cheating for all 5 of those years. FML
Today, I received frantic calls and messages from my husband wondering where I was and if I was cheating on him. I was in the same house as him. FML
Today, my husband told me the reason he'd been meeting his high school sweetheart behind my back, and lying about where he was was, out of respect for me. He thinks I'm ungrateful for not appreciating the lengths he's gone to to hide this. FML
Today, I caught my fiance lying about being at work. Furious, I started breaking his things, demanding to know what skank he'd been sneaking around with. He gave me a stack of receipts, saying he'd been Christmas shopping. He's not cheating, just getting me everything I wanted. God, I'm a psycho. FML
Today, my wife got fired for leaving work early once again. She's been doing random "spot checks" for the past month, convinced that she'll catch me cheating on her. This paranoid crap is exactly why I'm filing for divorce. FML
Today, my husband's car was stolen from our driveway while he was out jogging. We'd recently had a huge fight, and he accused me of having done this to get revenge. I was at work all day, but it seems this doesn't make any difference to his dumb, paranoid ass. FML
Today, my husband came home and sat in his car out front for fifteen minutes. I went and knocked on the door, asking what he was doing. Apparently, I always dump so much shit on him the second he walks in the door that he needs a little peace between work and coming home to me. Ungrateful ass. FML
Today, I found out my husband wasn’t really “working from home” in the evenings. He locks himself in his office until the late hours of the night, having intimate Skype sessions with his coworker. That explains why our joint bank account hasn’t seen a direct deposit this past month. FML
Today, I realized why my husband had been seemingly wanting to improve our relationship by sending little texts throughout the day for the last couple of months, asking what I was doing. It was so he could find out when would be the best time to have his girlfriend over and cheat on me. FML
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Top comments
Johnny5 16
I’m guessing he probably didn’t realize you were tracking his phone GPS. I’m guessing this was not the first issue in the relationship if you started tracking his movements like a criminal.
Koios 30
He has a point if you're still with him
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Comments (29)
Koios 30
He has a point if you're still with him
Auburn_flame 8
I feel targeted by this comment lmao. How does being a redhead equal crazy?
jbuckets_404 39
Well, if you feel offended in being called out as a redhead ... and yet nobody has posted a comment about redheads, are you sure that you're commenting on the correct FML???
lyttle1568 8
He’s playing D&D but is too embarrassed to admit it and would rather you think that he’s cheating
BurnInDemonFire 39
Damn, that's one hell of an old reference.
Boyufd 25
i mean it is a 50/50 chance he isn't cheating
Johnny5 16
I’m guessing he probably didn’t realize you were tracking his phone GPS. I’m guessing this was not the first issue in the relationship if you started tracking his movements like a criminal.
Hempseed 27
Either sit down and discuss your concerns with him, or leave if you really don't trust him that much.
newwitch2010 11
Every think he might have a second job.
RichardPencil 32
As a gigolo?
Slyfried 64
And the address is ? A psychologist, because his own wife doesn't believe him and stalking him. ^^
Mungolikecandy 19
Maybe it is a crack or opium den and he is partaking of the merchandise? As most criminologists know, a single answer is not the only answer. In addition, how do you know where he is going? Do you have a tracker on him?
Memnoc 26
Or maybe it's a friendly poker game. He's got a gambling addiction. I agree! Too many unknowns.
Zotti 11
divorce the douche
TooTall0231 9
Tracking him like a criminal only shows he should be looking for someone else. Have you ever heard of personal privacy? I mean shit you sound as crazy as a redhead.