Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend because he's been working extra hard these last two months. I went to his house only to find him in bed with another girl. Standing there, with fifteen roses in my hands, all he could say was, "Thank you, can you put them in a vase?" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I received a bouquet of flowers from my boyfriend, which is something he's never done before. Unfortunately, this was his way of apologizing for cheating on me. FML
Today, I got flowers at work. I was excited, until I saw they were from a friend saying, "Sorry for sleeping with your boyfriend!" FML
Today, my girlfriend came home with a huge bouquet of roses. They were from an admirer, brainwashing her to think I'm a terrible boyfriend for not buying her flowers like he did. FML
Today, my boyfriend surprised me with a bouquet of flowers he'd picked himself. This would’ve been romantic, had they not all been Poison Hemlock. FML
Today, I had a fight with my boyfriend over a girl he is close to. He later arrived with flowers for what I thought was an apology. He was actually breaking up with me; the flowers were for her, he just didn't want to leave them in the car. FML
Today, I found a note in my boyfriend's car from another girl telling him she hoped he liked the flowers. These were the same flowers he gave me while I was in the hospital, just after having his kid. FML
Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by showing up at his place unannounced with some take-out food. I got there just in time to see him leave his block of flats with another girl. FML
Today, my boyfriend treated me to a surprise romantic dinner, got me a huge balloon bouquet, a dozen roses, and a beautiful card for my birthday. Too bad it's his ex's birthday and not mine. FML
Today, I wrote my boyfriend a poem, and left it on the bed with a rose for him to see after work. When I came home later, I noticed the flower in the trash, and the poem had been used as gum wrapper. FML
Today, I went home early from a business trip to find my house covered with rose petals. Thinking it was a romantic notion from my boyfriend, I went up to the bedroom. I opened the door to find him lying there, getting it on with my sister. FML
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Top comments
screambloody 7
How could you deserve this? **** your life!
allmidnighteyes 11
At least he didn't start singing "It Wasn't Me" by Shaggy.
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Comments (125)
Farion 7
bro is a boss
marcranger 29
boss **** maybe. no, just a ****.
caancoha 0
Blendtec blender?
muffpuncher 0
surprise! threesome time!
MyTwoCents_ 0
might be he's sister?
AliceStar 2
Why would he be "in bed" with his sister?
sophieee2410 0
that just makes it a lot worse doesn't it?
hurricanelea 1
It's a joke goonies
gabylin 0
you got him roses? that's odd..sorry that sucks
Cabbotage 0
obviously working hard over the last two months meant sleeping around. fyl
alejazz95 6
dayumm girl tht sucks,. if tht was me who walked in on him, i'd tear tht girl to shredds! unless she didn't know tht youu guys were going out,.. then i'd tear him to shredds!
boopityboppity 11
You actually managed to write fewer correct things than errors. I'm simultaneously impressed and depressed.
katelyn92507 1
I don't understand why it wouldn't be the guy "torn to shreds" either way? He knew he was cheating whether the girl did or not. I'd say both if she knew, just him if he didn't, but I can't think of many situations where it should just be her?
Fluffeh 5
Loyalty, communication, and trust. He failed all of these, so he should for both cases no matter what.
sarahoxox 1
'sure honey, tell your **** to spread 'em.'
HomeAl0ne 20
I was going to suggest stuffing them up his arse, but yours works too.
missmoss_fml 3
obviously, this guy is not worth your time at all. it's not your fault.
advicer20 0
omfg. dump the dude,
boopityboppity 11
Somewhere, the second half of this sentence searches restlessly for its partner.
brennboo 3
lol'd at 39 hahaha :) poor sentence