Today, I was looking at my recommendations on Amazon, which included several vibrators. Just a few days earlier I was looking at books on anger management. Amazon thinks I need to get laid. They're right. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, in the break room at work, I was looking through my email on my phone about my Amazon orders. There was a suggested product that looked like a dildo. I turned around to see my boss behind me glancing at my phone. FML
Today, I received a package from Amazon that was supposed to contain the book I needed for my open book final exam tonight. They must have mixed up my order, because the box contained a large pink dildo. I think the universe just told me to get fucked. FML
Today, I came to the realization that I dream more about my vibrator than I do about my boyfriend. FML
Today, when I signed into Amazon, their top recommendation for me based on past purchases was "The Brave Little Toaster" on DVD. FML
Today, I finally broke and ordered a male sex toy, as though masturbating due to chronic singledom wasn’t sad enough, now I need a fleshlight to try and make the masturbating interesting enough to even bother anymore. FML
Today, my mother said I'm slipping too deep into depression since my boyfriend left for college in Fresno. Her solution? Buying me a vibrator. FML
Today, after I decided to explore my bisexual side since none of the four men I’ve been in relationships with ever got me to orgasm, I’ve now slept with three women this year. None of them got me to orgasm either. I guess I should just buy a vibrator or something. I’ll probably marry it. FML
Today, my husband got jealous of my new vibrator. I got the vibrator to "spice things up" between us, because he hasn't touched me in months. FML
Today, after assuming I'd been scammed, I finally found the vibrator I ordered over 2 months ago. It was in my mom's bedside cabinet. FML
Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML
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Top comments
designedlikedice 0
This isn't bad at all. Just buy yourself a vibe and get over it. Not being sexually active isn't something to be upset about. EDIT: Hahah I got an ad for MasteringAnger.com on the side of this.
burritobird 0
this is more amusing than anything else. its not that big of a deal
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Comments (86)
ViL3_S7y1e 0
Lol thats pretty bad, Hang in there :P
gammielikeoh 0
hm. u need a life and a bf. obviously you can't get both so choose one and sign here. I'll get those books and that vibrator shipped to you soon. GET A LIFE
garner20 0
Yummy.
Trent_21 6
I can help you out
SleepOnStones 5
Lmao! That's hilarious! It's like Amazon can read your soul..
newmandotcom 6
My number is....
sceptic 1
You are so sad, I wish I could punch you in the face for being such a loser
onorexveritas 24
it knows!
KickItHigh 32
That means it's time to buy yourself a vibrator.
deadpool86 7
Ding, willing participant, right here oooo oo oo pick me, pick me.