Today, I decided to shave my balls. When I was finished, I vacuumed up the mess on the carpet, and then the fragments of hair still on my balls. Very bad idea. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after carefully, and might I say, expertly removing all the hair from my girlfriend's genitals, she decided to try and "Nair" my balls. 24 hours later and I still can't walk properly and my balls look like they were involved in a severe kitchen incident. FML
Today, due to a combination of boredom and a faulty hair dryer, I now have singed pubes and burned balls. FML
Today, while brushing my teeth I noticed a hair in the sink. Running the scenario over in my mind, I was going to simultaneously spit into the sink and throw the hair on the floor. Creating a big ball of phlegm, I threw the hair back into the sink and launched a huge mouthful onto the floor. FML
Today, while I was shaving my nether regions, my trimmer slipped and ate a chunk out of my balls, right beside a vein. I've been bleeding on and off for an hour, and the New Skin I tried isn't able to dry quickly enough. FML
Today, I decided to clean my entire apartment. While vacuuming, I sucked up something big. I didn’t realize what it was until later when I couldn’t find my engagement ring. I digged through a vacuum bag full of dust, crumbs, and mystery hair, only to realize it was on my finger the whole time. FML
Today, with words of encouragement from my mom, I vacuumed my room. After finishing and admiring my job well done, I went to put the vacuum away. It caught on the plug for my electric razor which was dangling below the dresser and yanked that and everything else that was on top of it off. FML
Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML
Today, at some point, and for some reason I'll probably never fully understand, it seemed like a good idea to get completely shitfaced on tequila and try to shave my ballsack with a straight razor. I'm not sure if these wounds will ever heal. FML
Today, I was shaving my underarms, when I heard a noise. I quickly turned my head to see what it was and got the razor caught in my hair. I'm now sporting a very attractive bald patch. FML
Today, as I was bent over drying my legs after a shower, my girlfriend snuck behind me and pulled a hair off my ballsack for absolutely no good reason. FML
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Top comments
jsprackman 11
Genius
BunnySlippers 6
Lol. Why would you put a vaccum even CLOSE to your balls?
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Comments (252)
KRiddle 15
I laughed, I'm sorry.
Heinousness 0
Ouch!!!!!!!!!
DontForgetMe4 0
first of all, carpet?! second, that mental image made me laugh SO hard I almost cried.
Heinousness 0
I agree. I was about to pass out from lack of breath( for the second time today when I read an FML)
nadnerbz 6
I guess your girlfriend isn't the only thing that sucks stuff down there.
marinus_fml 20
Hahaha he lost his virginity to a vacuum cleaner sucking him off!
Honda288 2
More like the vacuum cleaner made him sterile.
craZgal321 6
^^ it never said hes a virgin...
ilove80smetal 8
Cause you needed some right? :P
insertnameherr 11
That, kind sir, is a well thought out idea.
LVblondie 3
Hahaha :D I agree, very thought out, it seems :P
CaptainSlow 2
I read your comment in Morgan Freeman's voice. Thank you.
Fmeonce_shameonu 15
Pssh who shaves their balls, that was so 2005. Right? Or am I the only one bringing this back..
Enslaved 38
Lots of guys do. Nothing like that skin on skin feel.
GoW_Chick 15
I think you might be the only one.
Fmeonce_shameonu 15
Okay. Sorry, it was terrible joke. I'm definitely on the clean cut band wagon. If you don't believe me send me your digits and I'll Brett Favre you the proof.
Enslaved 38
Yeah, right! Now tell us the real reason you brought out the vacuum cleaner.
rattusrattus 19
To clean up the carpets. Obviously.
skygirl_01 5
hahaha. shower dirty boy!
KiddNYC1O 22
Please tell me you got the point.
musikid 1
Idiot lol