Today, I had to mow the lawn with a weed-whacker because it rained a lot the past week and the push mower was broken. I started "mowing", and forgot that I was mowing where the dogs take dumps, I absentmindedly whacked over dog poop… which got flung into my face. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I wanted revenge on my neighbor, whose dog craps in my yard, so I spent a day at the dog park gathering up dog shit. I piled it up by the property line and ran over it with the mower, intending to spray his driveway and car with turds. Instead, it gummed up the mower. Now it stinks too bad to fix. FML
Today, I ran out of breath while mowing the lawn. I was on a riding lawn mower. FML
Today, I decided to pull some weeds in my backyard. Everything was going great until I got a concussion. My dog thought that it would be fun to headbutt me from a running start. Twice. FML
Today, while mowing the lawn, I ran over a hornet's nest. FML
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
Today, I was chopping weeds with a weed whacker. I heard something get caught in the blades, and realized it was a frog when the leg hit me in the eye. The rest of the chopped frog ended up on my face. FML
Today, my neighbor waved at me while he mowing his lawn. Wanting to be friendly, I waved back. In doing so I tripped on the curb, fell onto my own trash can, and rolled halfway into the street. He didn’t stop mowing. FML
Today, I was walking dogs for the animal hospital I work for. I accidentally dropped the leash, and in my haste to retrieve it, I frantically grabbed the ground. I got the leash, and a handful of fresh dog poo emitted from the dog I was walking. FML
Today, while finishing up raking leaves, I decided it would be a fun idea to jump into them. After rolling around in the leaves for a bit, I smelled something funny. Turns out I was rolling around in dog shit. FML
Today, I stepped in a pile of dog shit. While trying to get it off by wiping my foot on the grass, I stepped in another pile. FML
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Top comments
teehee520 0
That's nasty.
lifeislife_fml 0
#60: Only the "Today" and "FML" parts are necessary. I doubt editors would go around inserting pointless words. And if it was added for consistency, all the FMLs would say "proceeded to [insert a ton of verbs that could be replaced with one verb]". That would suck.
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Comments (80)
drinkupgorgeous 0
Haha #3 made me laugh harder than I did at the actual FML itself.
qwertyuiop8989 0
serves you right for saying shit and proceeded in the same sentence. well actually you said poop but still......same difference.
Djc1412 0
that's why most people clean up after their dog...
cselby 0
I used to landscape for quite a while, and depending on the size of the lawn, a good weedwhacker can give your lawn a pretty solid cut if you do it right. Of course a mower would be better, but yeah, it's not as stupid as some people are saying. Lord knows I cut a number of backyards where dogs would poop. This one couple had a huge huskie that they just left outside all day and he would just lay poop as i was cutting the lawn and then he'd bark at the lawn mower and try to bite the leaf blower. Needless to say I hated doing that house. Moral of the story: watch where you're cutting!
BlassyBoy 0
Ydi dumbass
Itsallgoodhere 0
I moderated this one =) haha this stinks though. Literally.
Ilovelife07 0
Haha ouch, seriously tho, borrow a mower from somebody
drano 0
Guys, who cares how he worded it, seriously. Stop being grammar nazis
lmmmr 0
Take a shower. Problem solved.
emer_helena 0
Thats attractive. FYL