Today, I had to mow the lawn with a weed-whacker because it rained a lot the past week and the push mower was broken. I started "mowing", and forgot that I was mowing where the dogs take dumps, I absentmindedly whacked over dog poop… which got flung into my face. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I wanted revenge on my neighbor, whose dog craps in my yard, so I spent a day at the dog park gathering up dog shit. I piled it up by the property line and ran over it with the mower, intending to spray his driveway and car with turds. Instead, it gummed up the mower. Now it stinks too bad to fix. FML
Today, I ran out of breath while mowing the lawn. I was on a riding lawn mower. FML
Today, I decided to pull some weeds in my backyard. Everything was going great until I got a concussion. My dog thought that it would be fun to headbutt me from a running start. Twice. FML
Today, while mowing the lawn, I ran over a hornet's nest. FML
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
Today, I was chopping weeds with a weed whacker. I heard something get caught in the blades, and realized it was a frog when the leg hit me in the eye. The rest of the chopped frog ended up on my face. FML
Today, my neighbor waved at me while he mowing his lawn. Wanting to be friendly, I waved back. In doing so I tripped on the curb, fell onto my own trash can, and rolled halfway into the street. He didn’t stop mowing. FML
Today, I was walking dogs for the animal hospital I work for. I accidentally dropped the leash, and in my haste to retrieve it, I frantically grabbed the ground. I got the leash, and a handful of fresh dog poo emitted from the dog I was walking. FML
Today, while finishing up raking leaves, I decided it would be a fun idea to jump into them. After rolling around in the leaves for a bit, I smelled something funny. Turns out I was rolling around in dog shit. FML
Today, I stepped in a pile of dog shit. While trying to get it off by wiping my foot on the grass, I stepped in another pile. FML
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Top comments
teehee520 0
That's nasty.
lifeislife_fml 0
#60: Only the "Today" and "FML" parts are necessary. I doubt editors would go around inserting pointless words. And if it was added for consistency, all the FMLs would say "proceeded to [insert a ton of verbs that could be replaced with one verb]". That would suck.
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Comments (80)
skierguy 0
You deserve it for having a dog. Easy solution... get rid of the dog. Your neighbours will thank you for it.
Yulia_fml 0
It's not the grammar awkwardness of "proceeded" that bothers me. It's how much it's overused! Annoying as hell.
jj732 0
you tried WAYYYY too hard to sound smart. seriously wouldnt it be easier and quicker to write: Today, I had to use the weedwacker to mow my lawn since my mower is broken, and accidentally mowed weedwacked my dogs poop. It flung into my face. FML failure....
DaMiz511 0
If the grass clippings weren't hitting you in the face, then the poop wouldn't either. Fake.
TheZephyrSon 3
Weed whackers...Not the best thing to lose concentration with...Be glad it wasn't your foot...js...
lifeislife_fml 0
STOP WITH THE "proceeded to".
Casualt1234 0
Thank you #3. God I am starting to think that putting the word "proceeded" is the only way an FML "proceeds" to get posted. It just annoys me because I know from experience that writing "helps to convey" -type phrases in my essays always costs me points. Please. Stop. It. Is. Annoying.
ssnickel 0
I guess #3 got moderated but I'm assuming they were the first to mention how annoying it is to see every single FML containing the word "proceeded." I completely agree, #50. I'm so sick of that word.
rabidhatter 0
Either this is fake or you totally deserve it for being a complete moron and running the weed whacker with the guard off. You're lucky it was dog shit and not a small rock. Whole 'nother FML there.
Casualt1234 0
dogs go to the restroom>>>>dogs shit/poop/crap Which proceeded to fling into my face.>>>>Which flung into my face.