Today, I came home from work when I heard people in my apartment. My apartment was supposed to be empty, so I entered ready to fight some thieves. I rushed in and hit the closest person to me before the lights switched on. It was a surprise party. I broke my girlfriend's cheek-bone. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it's my birthday. I was heading back to my apartment and I heard noises behind the front door. Assuming it was the surprise party I'd hinted at, I flicked on the lights… as two heavy guys pushed past me. I was robbed. FML
Today, as I returned home, I noticed some movement inside my house. Thinking it was a break-in, I called 911. It was my friends and some coworkers trying to throw me a surprise birthday party. Nobody's said a word to me since. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML
Today, my roommate came home and instantly began raging, cursing, and threatening to kill me. While I was cowering in my bedroom, the police had to settle the situation. All I'd done was rearrange some furniture. FML
Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I knew his parents wouldn't be there. Later, I woke up in a hospital bed because his sister thought I was a burglar and tased me. FML
Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating, so she smashed me in the head with her handbag so hard my eyeball is red from a burst blood vessel. I followed her home, where she tried to pretend she knew nothing, it wasn’t her I'd seen, she’d been home all day. I had to get the cops to drag her out my house. FML
Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted a glass door and woke my mother up. FML
Today, I went to work things out with my girlfriend, with whom I'd had a huge fight with. She told me the night before to come over at noon and that she would be awake. I unlocked the door to see that the place was a mess. She'd thrown a party and was still passed out naked next to her boss. FML
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Top comments
honda1 0
That will teach her for throwing a suprise party. LOL
Audio828 2
Well I guess it was the sensible thing to do.
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Comments (244)
vicv666 0
Obviously YDI!!! You heard many voices not just 1 or 2 where have you seen that 20 or 30 thiefs break into an appartment. Or this is fake or you are an idiot
JUSTCHA_fml 0
Ok like thives would talk loudly in the dark ya I think people would notice
pleasetryagain 0
What is wrong with the commenters here? The OP had to have opened his door and probably start to enter before he heard noises, so he was already, at least partially, inside the apartment. At that point, turning and running could get you hurt if you're followed. If you're expecting an empty place, and then there's somebody IN THE DARK right next to you it's not that strange to just lash out. Why would you wait to look? THAT'S when you get stabbed or shot. Or maybe they didn't think that waiting 30 minutes to 3 hours (depending on the neighborhood) for the cops to come because then the burglars would have taken all of his shit and chances are, it would never come back. You don't have to be a ninja to react like that. Animals react like that. It's called adrenaline.
dude3636 0
Nice
jaybirdka 0
hahahahaha...that's ******* funny....good on you though for wanting to kick the shit out of a ******* thief.
xabuko 0
Damn...hope she feels and gets better mate!!
justcre4tiv3 0
Sucks for your girlfriend lul.
Ravengage 0
You're an idiot... just assuming it's thieves and hitting stuff. And what exactly did you expect to do if it was robbers? Get the shit beat out of you most likely, or even shot. If you SUSPECT that someone might be stealing from you just assuming that you're right and hitting shit is the dumbest thing you can do.
glamourful 0
i lol'd! YLF and but your gf's is more... wait, what was the party for, if it was your b-day than you shoulda known when you heard ppl...
Puolukka 4
Umm...I'm definitley gonna say YDI YDI YDI!!!!!! I mean come on people?! If the girlfriend and all the other folks were in his apartment...that means someone must have had a freaking KEY! And if my S/O has a key to my apartment and I come home and someone's there...the first thing I'm gonna assume is it's them and not thieves... And if they didn't have a key that means your door was unlocked, so YDI. If you had a window open that is easy to climb into, still YDI. If you have a roommate you live with, still YDI cause it could have been him who's home... Yea...your poor girlfriend...you're freaking paranoid.