Today, while cleaning out my garage, I found a pregnant spider. I couldn't step on the spider without releasing the baby spiders, so I went inside to get a glass jar to trap it. While trying to relocate the spider, I accidentally stepped on it. I now have a bunch of baby spiders roaming around. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I was changing my sheets, I found a huge spider under my pillow. My 10 year-old sister had to get rid of it for me. FML
Today, I was babysitting a new child. I guess she heard me tell her parents about my severe peanut allergy because she got a jar out of the pantry, spread it all over the stairs leading to where her fort was, and walked around with a baseball bat covered in it so I couldn't come near her. FML
Today, for the first time in about 3 years, I decided to clean my car. It was going really well until I looked down at what I was about to pick up. On the back seat floor lay a dead snake, which at one point, for God knows how long, was living in my car while I unknowingly drove it around. FML
Today, I had my first glass of red wine after months of pregnancy and giving birth. Just as I sat down and started to relax, I spilled it all over myself and my in-law’s couch. FML
Today, I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. Once I was done, I looked over at my puppy, who then woke up, stretched, got out of his basket and started to pee. I shouted, "No!" Scared, he then ran all over the place, still peeing. FML
Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML
Today, I was having my morning coffee while getting ready for work. I grabbed clothes off the floor to throw in the hamper. I accidentally threw my full coffee instead. FML
Today, I pulled one of my favorite hoodies out of my closet, and immediately noticed several large stains on it. Apparently, my dad had managed to open a hole in the roof and couldn't be bothered to patch it, so a squirrel got in and used my closet as a litter box. FML
Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML
Today, I was talking with a very attractive coworker outside when a moth flew into my ear. I started screaming and hitting my ear because it was stuck and alive in my ear. I spent the rest of the day at the ER. I'm forever known as The Moth Lady. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
bethan1 4
For some reason I read this as "I found a pregnant sister" it was way cooler that way.
Lounia_fml 8
At 18 :P
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (200)
KBurns207 17
That's why you just grab a butane lighter and end it's existence through the fiery pit of hell.
duma191 21
thathat happened to me. bug bomb it. that's the only way.
lil_mars 1
Wow, a lot of you here are really stupid. I've seen a spider carrying an eggsack get it's head and abdomen stepped on. The eggsack was also slit open, but not crushed, and hundreds of tiny spiders came crawling out. It IS possible, stop saying that it is not. Pregnant = "with child" btw.
Cass_x 22
Burn down the house
ZackFev 6
Kill em with fire!
DalekWarrior26 9
well guess it's time to move
em_weafer 10
how could you tell it was pregnant???