Today, my husband and I were about to have sex for the first time in months. We wanted to spice things up by using chocolate sauce during a blowjob, but the chocolate glued his foreskin to his penis and he cried. Safe to say the dry spell continues. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my man and I were having sex on edge of bed. We were using chocolate spread and I was riding him. When we were done, he got up and I noticed a long brown line on the edge of the bed. I knelt down to smell it. It was NOT chocolate. FML
Today, my new boyfriend and I really wanted to have sex, but he went soft as soon as he entered me. This happens every time we try. I feel cursed by my year-long dry spell. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try something new in bed. He blindfolded me and I felt something cold on my lady parts. Five seconds later it started burning so I looked. He decided to use toothpaste because he couldn't find chocolate sauce to lick off. It hurts to pee. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML
Today, my husband and I were having sex for the first time since I had our son. As I was riding him in a heated passion, he grabbed my breasts. Milk literally shot out onto his face. Mood totally ruined. FML
Today, I was being playful with my boyfriend and put a chocolate between my legs. He bit the chocolate. My lips too... FML
Today, my husband finally broke our two-month dry spell. I don't know what's more depressing: the fact that it had been two months or that he's horrible at sex. FML
Today, I finally had sex with my live-in boyfriend after a long dry spell. It was passionate and great, until I hurt my back changing positions. Now he refuses to touch me, going as far as sleeping on the couch to give me "enough space". Hello new dry spell. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he suddenly stopped and walked to the kitchen. He decided to bake chocolate chip cookies in the midst of our intimate moment. However, he told me we could still keep at it while the oven preheated. FML
Today, after a month's-long dry spell, my wife and I finally had sex. It was awkward and terrible, neither of us finished, and she muttered, "I don't know why I missed that" after we gave up. FML
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Top comments
Roberto G. Rodriguez 5
I hate to say it, but you and he deserve it...it has to go in areas where it can't get inside either of you (Can cause bad infections otherwise). Before trying new things look how to properly use them. Also have fun experimenting (you need it and it can lead to more fun)
Lobby_Bee 18
Put that penis in your mouth and the chocolate should melt away.
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Comments (33)
NicF13 2
probably should have read the instructions a little better
RichardPencil 32
I just checked my bottle of Hershey’s Syrup — it clearly says in bold print: NOT FOR GENITAL USE!
hugtrees13 16
So your husband experienced so much pain that he cried and all you care about is getting laid? **** his life. Pretty insensitive of you
Glowworm56 27
If you ever try this again, for the love of all that is holy, DON'T add sprinkles!
BurnInDemonFire 39
"Doc, i've gotten myself into a sticky situation..." "Okay, let me see h... Oh my God! Is that what I think it is?" "It's chocolate, I swear!" "Sure it is, shit-dick."
Donut_Wizard 23
Cockblocked by Hershey’s
ohsnapword 21
Could be a lot worse. Only one of you could be having the dry spell.
Mechakitty 13
I'm surprised you couldn't lick it off
jim 3
what kind of ******* choco sause are yall using lmao
Tim Carver 9
And you didn't use water to break it up because?
WeirdUS 30
Ouch, and not getting any is what you took away from all this? Wow, maybe stuff like that's one of the reasons why you have a dry spell, to begin with. Hope your guy didn't tear his foreskin or something.