Today, during quite vigorous unprotected sex with my partner, I got a bit over-excited and on the pullout, my ejaculate shot from me, across my partner, and hit the dog who had decided to jump on the bed. My partner found it hilarious; I feel like I'm going to hell. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, during foreplay, I was trying to be sexy. But instead I fell off the bed, landed in the laundry basket, and was attacked by the dog. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It would have been a lot sexier had our chihuahua not decided to rim his ass as he thrust into me, causing him to break out into a case of the giggles. FML
Today, I was engaged in intercourse with my fiancée when her dog decided take a loud dump in front of the fan that was pointed at us. Needless to say, intercourse ended very abruptly. FML
Today, I was getting a bit intimate with my boyfriend. Just when things were getting interesting, my dog managed to get into my room. He jumped on the bed and my boyfriend spent the next 20 minutes playing with the dog, while I sat next to him, half naked. FML
Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were trying to get it on on the bed. As soon as things were starting to get heated, I turned over and saw that my dog had not only jumped up on the bed, but had been watching and started to hump the pillow next to our heads. FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he triumphantly flung the condom to the ceiling, only to have it come down and smack me in the face. FML
Today, I was with my boyfriend, and we started to get a little kinky. He laid me down roughly on the bed, but I started to slide off, so I pulled myself up. In doing so, I managed to knee him in the nut-sack, causing him to puke. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. When I orgasmed, my leg flew out and I accidentally kicked him in the balls. For the next ten minutes, he lay in the fetal position. FML
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Top comments
Michael Sawyer 11
sorry i couldn't react one way or the other. I couldn't stop laughing.
RichardPencil 32
That's the saddest story of a dog getting shot since Old Yeller.
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Comments (9)
Michael Sawyer 11
sorry i couldn't react one way or the other. I couldn't stop laughing.
SirEnigM0nk 22
That's one way to screw the pooch!
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
Could be worse, you could have discovered you have a new kink.
ninjacat 10
TBH this is just dumb. The pull out method doesn’t work and you should have been using a condom and/or she should be on one of the many birth control options available. This was easily avoidable.
wtafisgoah54 4
You’re assuming the partner isn’t already on birth control of some sorts. Regardless it’s always easier to clean the mess up on the road than it is deep in the tunnel.
kitten79TX 5
He never said his partner is a woman. He could have been pulling out for a different reason.
kitten79TX 5
That IS hilarious. Loosen up and see the humor.Most adults have some funny sex story. I love it when funny things happen during sex and my husband and I laugh about it together.
kitten79TX 5
And also, assuming yoir partner is a female, and you are using the pull out method to avoid pregnancy...STOP IT!!! It's not an effective form of birth of birth control. The best protection is a condom paired with your girlfriend using a speemicide. And/or, you using a condom AND her using the pill. Be smart, do some research, and talk to a doctor for better options. The pull out method is like playing Russian Roulette!
RichardPencil 32
That's the saddest story of a dog getting shot since Old Yeller.
Ivan Torres_359016125 4
this why we close the pets out of the room
Sinshine 28
So you let your dog just sit next to you while you're having sex? I think you have different issues than just hitting it with that ejaculation...