Today, as I went to kiss my date goodbye and drive home, he mistakenly rammed his thumb across my eye hard enough to push my contact back into my eye socket. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was on a date and tried to act seductive and mysterious by slowly sipping my drink while making eye contact with him. I misjudged the straw’s length and location and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML
Today, I accidentally stuck my thumb into my eye and scratched myself just under my eyebrow. I don't know why my hand was anywhere near my eye. FML
Today, I tried to sneak up on my girlfriend who was sitting in her car with one of her girlfriends. I snuck up to the driver's side window and tried to startle her by banging on the window. The window was down. My thumb went right in her eye. She has to wear a patch for 2 weeks. FML
Today, after an extremely hard day at work, I took a hot shower to wind down a little bit. I accidentally splashed a painful amount of hot water and shampoo in my eyes. My left contact is now stuck to my eyeball. FML
Today, I was polishing a ring I made at a jewelry shop I intern at. The ring flicked off my fingers and smashed me in the eye. It only took a single trip to the emergency room to make me pretty sure I won't be getting the job. FML
Today, I was on a date with a guy I really like. Everything went well, and then he wanted to kiss me. As he leaned towards me, I got slightly panicky and ducked out of the way, causing him to headbutt the car behind me. Now we know why I'm still a virgin. FML
Today, I found out what it feels like to put in a contact while drunk. My eye still hurts. FML
Today, I was picking my nose so aggressively that I flicked a booger right into my eye. FML
Today, I accidentally super-glued my hand to my face while trying to fix a broken pair of glasses. I yanked it off in a panic, taking a patch of my face along with it. FML
Today, I was attempting to tame my bushy eyebrows, since I'm starting a new job in a few days and need to look somewhat presentable, when I poked myself in the eye. Hard. I thought I’d blinded myself for a few moments. Now it’s just red, sore and watery. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
He just wanted you to be blinded by love. Literally.
Bustedbutsilent 13
I guess you didn't SEE that coming? I'll let myself out.
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Comments (65)
TheNewGuy03 29
On the blind, er, bright side, at least it won't pop out should you have a sneeze during your drive. If it's severe, it could be an eyesore. These puns are so cornea.
expertsmilee 26
Happy Valenteyenes day.
Dilexar 26
Beat me to it.
Mahcookiez 15
Well he didnt do it on purpose, but i hope you feel better anyway!
Dodge4x4Ram 46
wrong kind of ramming & that's coming from dodge
peteto818 28
As someone who wears contact lenses, I cringed so bad. It must've been so painful. Hope you're okay, maybe avoid lenses for a while until your eye isn't that sensitive.
FailStaff 15
How romantic
sneakattacked 21
Are you sure it was an accident?
datkenna 20
Seems people on fml have been having some trouble with their contacts lately
Goblin182 27
when trying to place my lips on someone else's lips I have never mistaken my thumb for my lips and her eyes for her lips. Ever.
Xynie 20
probably was going to hold her cheek as they kiss
LadyLuck93 20
what the ****