Today, my son asked me for advice over his girlfriend not "respecting" his pathetic need for near-constant sex. I got so bored listening to the misogynistic horseshit spewing out of his mouth that I totally zoned out. I came to as he started hurling abuse at me for not siding with him. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my son came to complain that all he and his girlfriend do is have sex, yet never talk to each other. As his dad, I tried to give him good advice, but as his mom makes me miserable every time she opens her mouth, it was a struggle to think what to say. In fact, he’s living my idea of paradise. FML
Today, I spent yet another lunch venting to my best friend about how much I hate my teenage son's girlfriend, thinking he should be with someone less outspoken. Apparently she got tired of listening because she eventually snapped, "Oh for god's sake, just admit you want to fuck your son already!" and left. FML
Today, my teen son came home in a terrible mood because his girlfriend won’t listen to him. I thought he meant conversation-wise, but he meant she refused to obey his commands about what clothes and makeup she wears, who she can talk to, where she can go, and so forth. My son is an asshole. FML
Today, my son asked his mom about sex, so she talked about love, marriage, God, affection and all that bollocks, missing the point that he wanted to know about having good sex since he has a girlfriend now, so I explained all the wet, squishy practical bits of sex. Now my wife is mad at me. FML
Today, my boyfriend kept whining at me, asking why I wouldn't have sex with him, seemingly not caring that my parents were in the room. FML
Today, I walked in on my son having sex with his girlfriend. An hour later, I did it again and got quite annoyed, and yelled at them for having sex again. He said, "What do you mean again? We haven’t finished yet." My son has been having sex for over an hour. Man, do I feel inadequate. FML
Today, I heard my husband giving my son the talk about girls. He said, "You want three main things from women: peace, sex, and kids. If they can't give you those, they aren't worth your time." What an asshole I married. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were riding in the back seat of his mom’s car and she kept talking at him non-stop. He responded only in grunts. When at some point I informed her that her son had been asleep for several minutes, she just kept on talking to him anyway. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend to stop criticizing my son for his table manners. He said, "It's man things, you wouldn't understand." He acted surprised when I blew my top and told him to leave. FML
Today, I grounded my son after finding out that he's been bullying other kids at school. He got mad and screamed at me, calling me a "bastard". Instead of defending me, my wife got pissed and accused me of having taught our son to swear like that. I can never win. FML
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Top comments
lthoyal 8
I sense a castration for your son in the near future.
MerrikBarbarian 9
Time to train that child! Be a parent and teach them to respect women... It any romantic partner regardless of gender for that matter
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Comments (108)
agm77 9
Your son sounds like a jerk. He doesn't respect you or his girlfriend Sorry OP.
jackipdoc 31
OP sounds like a fantastic guy. Too bad the son isn't the same
Superllama12 11
My mouse was obscuring the "to" of "came to" and I started wondering if you were some sick sadomasochist
Calyx_fml 22
Have you forgotten what it's like to be a young man raging with testosterone and lacking maturity to know how to handle it? Testosterone is a hell of a drug.
megapeyt 17
Amen to that ^^^
bananabuttercup 8
It's a hormone, idiot.
downtime 13
121, *facepalm* How did you get a single thumb up?
DocBastard 40
Uh, no. OP is a man. And Calyx was referring to his son anyway.
WCARlover 35
Wow, this FML was really well written for not having much substance to it
ZuRG_fml 7
Holy wow, that kid needs help. Get him to a therapist and/or scared straight.
skyeyez9 25
Did you raise him to be like that? You should have set his ass straight.
tygerarmy 35
Most parents seem to have forgotten how to do that. If your child is doing something wrong or dumb take corrective action. Until they're legally adults they're your responsibility. How about you do something about it.
perdix 31
Tell him to get extra girlfriends.
Petunia888 13
Do blow up dolls qualify?
coldashell 23
I suppose blowup dolls work. Doesn't matter, had sex.
perdix 31
#30, OK, I'll allow blow-up dolls. (I'm being a bit lenient because you're cute ;) )
thisiscat 14
82- winky faces lead to kinky places..
WordSmyth 2
Only if they literally blow up.
2oc 5
If i were you I would've thrown a sock at him and told him to shut the f*** up.
rattusrattus 19
I wouldn't want to throw a sock at him. You'd never see it again. You'd never WANT to see it again.
2oc 5
Exactly my point. I think a sock is a good exchange for some peace and quiet.
biasedshooter 24
You sound like someone to bring a problem to -sarcasm
bubo_fml 11
Fapping helps...