Today, I was quite happily glossing my new bathroom door, when my useless, alcoholic, housemate came rolling in, knocked the paint over, stood in it, and without realising, walked it all the way down the stairs. I had just had a brand new carpet fitted. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I finished painting my living room. I had to leave the house in a rush. When I got home, I found smears of paint all around and the carpet crusted with paint that had dried. My cat had rubbed up against the walls and tracked it around. FML
Today, I decided to do a good bit of spring cleaning. When my apartment was finally spotless I went to lie down. I woke up later to find my drunk flatmate passed out in a puddle of her own puke on the living room's carpet. FML
Today, I was moving out of my old place. While walking around to make sure I would get my damage deposit back, I stepped on my roommate's lipstick and smeared it all over the white carpet. Then I tripped on the phone cord and ripped the whole thing out of the wall. FML
Today, I was painting the bathroom door post. A drop of paint fell on the toilet roll. Guess how I found out. FML
Today, I fitted a new shower hose and head, and it went perfectly, until it sprang a leak in the middle of the night, which completely missed the bath and went right onto the floor. We were asleep, so it went for hours, half the house is now soaking wet, and will need redecorating and new carpets FML
Today, after months of telling my landlord about the weak floorboards in my living room, I fell through them as I was trying to repair them myself. FML
Today, after sweeping up a spill, I managed to break the cupboard door. With my head. FML
Today, I walked into my bedroom and realized I really needed to clean it. As I started to pick everything up off of the floor, I tripped over a shoe, slipped on a water bottle, pulled down my shoe rack, and landed in my armoire. My room is now dirtier than it was when I started. FML
Today, I was at a party and went to the bathroom. The door was tricky to lock, but in my inebriated state I thought I'd managed it. Apparently, I hadn’t. Midway through my business, the door swung open, and in walked a group of people looking for their coats. We just stared at each other in shock until someone finally closed the door. FML
Today, I was painting my bedroom walls, when I was struck with an uncontrollable bout of diarrhea. I had to watch helplessly from the en-suite bathroom as my 2 year old daughter painted a lovely picture for me, all over my new $500 sofa. FML
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Top comments
Sn0w_Bunni 0
ydi for having an alcoholic for a roomate an then expecting to have nice things!
lovej4ever 0
you should have stopped your roommate before he walked out
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Comments (77)
007hawks 0
kick his ass
handytaco 0
YDI for putting a comma between an adjective and a noun.
eatsleepsinglove 4
NEW ROOMMATE. 'Nuff said.
kschmidt629 5
I recommend finding a new roommate.....
Fmlsomuch133 0
U need a new roommate or accept who u live with n stop inproving ur house
EwanSmith 2
i feel the 'alcoholic' description used was probably exaggeration and most of you need to stop over analysing. Cho!
NodakN8V 25
Sounds like an ass whoop'n brewing
lexie425 10
Time for a new roommate.
veracruzana922 6
Hey My name is Heather too!