Today, in public, one of my mom's friends asked me how on earth did I get so tall. My mom happily scampered to my side and shrieked, "TWO YEARS OF BREAST MILK!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I told my mom I was excited my boobs were getting bigger. She told me that that's what happens when you get fat. FML
Today, I found out my mom put breast milk in my cereal until I was 7 years old. FML
Today, I told my mom I was going through a growth spurt. She said, "Yeah, horizontally." FML
Today, a colleague was telling me she still breastfeeds her 4 year-old son, and that she has breastfed kids of her neighbours too. She kept talking about it and I ended up staring at her ample breasts. She noticed and asked me if I wanted too. Now I don’t know what to do. FML
Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my mom. The first thing my mom did was look at her breasts and mention that no matter what happens, hers were the first that I suckled on. FML
Today, my mom claimed that lactose intolerance is a "myth" and told me to drink my damn milk because it's good for my bones. FML
Today, my mom yelled at me in the store so loudly and for so long, a crowd began to form. The reason? I didn’t know how much milk we had left at home. I don’t drink milk. FML
Today, my 5 year-old daughter watched me getting dressed in the bathroom and asked, "Mum, when my boobs grow, will they droop like yours?" FML
Today, a little girl asked me how I could be so fat and still have small boobs. Great question. FML
Today, we ran out of milk and my 4 year-old son came up to me and asked if he could "milk" my wife's breasts for his cereal. Apparently, he thinks my wife doesn't love him and his sister is selfish for not sharing her milk. His sister is only one month old. FML
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Top comments
allie2590 31
Well, breast is best.
AcieMcG 21
I better breast feed then, I don't want Hobbits
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Comments (62)
IllestRated 17
*Facepalm*
mylittlecookie 17
At least she didn't say something like, "Ten years of breast milk!" that would be awkward.
chabelo 10
or "12+ years of breast milk" = incest
falconjade 19
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Was his mother drunk?
SmokeyBear420 19
Thats not a comment... you might as well have said *fml* instead. WHERE HAVE ALL THE JOKES COMMENTERS GONE?
aimzskee 30
Could have been worse. Could have been 14 years.
allie2590 31
Well, breast is best.
thatnucca 36
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Your mother's friend was trying to keep abreast with your rapid physical development I see...
toaster123 11
no, breast is breast.
AcieMcG 21
I better breast feed then, I don't want Hobbits
jazzy_123 20
That explains why I'm so short .__. my mom says I hated her milk so she gave me formula and I grew up to be 5'1 (I hope I did that right) haha x)
VectorFields 9
I'm a tall guy ... Makes me worry about my past with my mom. ._.
SuperCasual 13
I was never breast fed, and I'm 6, 2 while still only being a junior in highschool
asnakelovinbabe 16
I just hope that nobody seriously believes that breastfeeding is the direct cause for people being tall.
jazzy_123 20
sweet geezus you're a GIANT! lol
parism143 28
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
#35 I know guys that are 6'2 in 9th grade. You're not so special.
jkmartinjk 16
^He didn't say he was special for being 6'2, he's saying that he still has potential to grow even without ever having breast milk. But good on ya' for lowering his self esteem. Everyone needs that every once in awhile.
falon142012 22
#3 I guess I won't breast feed then…I would love some hobbits! :-D
rebelwithmouseyhair 18
Don't be stupid. A baby sucking on his mother's breast is a happy breastfed baby, nothing to do with incest. Grow up and learn to deal with it. By the way, she also changed your nappies and wiped your little pecker when you got poo all over it.
rebelwithmouseyhair 18
Being breastfed is, however, the best way to get a super immune system, and optimum health in all respects.
Kiki242 19
I've always heard that was the breast way to find a child.
Welshite 40
Well, at least two years is better than currently nursing. Just imagine if she had run up, lifted her shirt, and announced it was time for your feeding.
evan_7899 28
FEEDIN' TIME SWEETIE!!
KacyA93 7
I laughed so damn hard when I read your comment. (:
LifeAlertTwerk 14
Now we know the breast secret to success in basketball!
warsun 27
Slam dunk without a jump
Nilorak 24
Your mom is Legen wait for it.. Dery. Legendery.
syki 22
*Legen... Wait for it... DAIRY.
Nilorak 24
Thanks. English isn't my native language.
syki 22
Just saw you're from out-of-country. Lest I confuse you with the whimsical ways of English spelling, the word is 'legendary.' I was making a pun. :P
Nilorak 24
Oh I get it now. :D
rg350dx 29
Oh my god...You guys are being so...so NICE to each other. I-I don't know how to process this. I THOUGHT THIS WAS THE INTERNET! WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!
Nilorak 24
Suit up!
syki 22
@34 Oh, sorry, I'd forgotten. @37 Erm, you—DARN YOU! Stinking foreigners, not getting my English-based joke the first time! And using 'e' instead of 'a' (which is a common mistake even among native speakers)! And—and speaking a language I don't despite having barely even mentioning it in front of me! LEARN ENGLISH! @34 Is that better? :D
JohnTheLad 13
lol, I totally read 37's as "Shut up!"
Zoey_M_fml 24
At least she didn't flash. Still embarrassing though, sorry OP
HelloooooNurse 20
It did that body good.
ihavenolifehaha 16
Moms love to embarrass their kids