Today, my boyfriend and I were getting in the mood. I got on top of him, leaned down to kiss him, and he began to laugh. Puzzled, I asked him why. He told me that when I'm naked and on top of him, I reminded him of a cow, with "udders." Offended, I went to get off him. "No no!" he protested, "a SEXY cow." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated. We were having a lot of fun until I decided I wanted to be on top. He instantly got soft. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were finally alone and things were starting to get intimate. I was on top of him trying to be sexy, when in my excitement I giggled and called him a "silly girl" by accident. FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend whilst straddled on top of him. He started to undo my bra. I was fine with this but he stopped kissing me and looked at me with a slight smile. He then said, "I know this is going to kill the mood... but I feel like I could milk your boobs right now" FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my current booty-call when he thought it would be funny to make animal sounds. He "baa-ed", "moo-ed", and "gobbled" until losing his erection from intense laughter, leaving me there very confused and unsatisfied. FML
Today, I was doing the reverse cowgirl with my boyfriend. I was on the way to a glorious finish when he pointed out that I had a pimple on my butt. He began to laugh so hard that he went soft. FML
Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML
Today, I was naked on top of my boyfriend looking lovingly into his eyes. He then started to use my boobs as punching bags while singing "Eye of the Tiger". FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
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Top comments
thequickredofox 0
The correct reaction should have been "Offended, I got off, looked at his penis and laughed. When he asked why I told him it reminded me of an inchworm, a SEXY inchworm".
startafire 0
Guess he wasn't planning on continuing to get laid.
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Comments (139)
Zic_fml 7
YDI for not being able to recognise a joke when it hits your face.
kirstensmook 0
agreed
AmberBri 8
or udders.
imlovingmylife 8
Oh okay. So you're telling me if a woman laughed at your dick and compared it to a baby worm, you'd take the joke? I think jokes are supposed to be funny but I guess you don't.
thequickredofox 0
The correct reaction should have been "Offended, I got off, looked at his penis and laughed. When he asked why I told him it reminded me of an inchworm, a SEXY inchworm".
kirstensmook 0
ahahhahahhahahha
Moemoemoe_fml 0
Win! XD
fatty_mcfathead 0
Lol.... Awesome!
ApocaClips 5
that would really only work if he had a small penis
fan_of_fans 0
Clearly he was having issues because all the blood that SHOULD have been in his brain was elsewhere... But yes, lighten up slightly otherwise sex will never be any fun.
null_fml 11
It doesn't sound at all like a commentary on your body, to me. More like on how gravity affects it.
McFail_fml 4
Did he then proceed to milk your 'udders'?
emmmilyyy 0
ydi lose weight bitch
Sylvee 0
nice way to be ugly.
fatty_mcfathead 0
Well if it's because she's fat.... At least she can lose the weight. What are you gonna do about your face?
Entracte 0
I'm now in love with your boyfriend.
anonacs 0
I hate you for writing this like it was a story.
AntiChrist7 0
YDI for wanting to have sex with a total ass.
Dolff 0
Rofl, that just made my day!