Today, I went to work things out with my girlfriend, with whom I'd had a huge fight with. She told me the night before to come over at noon and that she would be awake. I unlocked the door to see that the place was a mess. She'd thrown a party and was still passed out naked next to her boss. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to work late. Due to delayed trains and a missed connection, it was almost midnight when I finally got home. When I walked into the bedroom, I found my girlfriend wearing sexy lingerie and fast asleep. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours, hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming, "I meant it!" FML
Today, I was sleeping in after working a graveyard shift. I awoke to my girlfriend sneaking her stuff out of the house. She planned on leaving her key on my pillow and taking off without any notice whatsoever. FML
Today, after clubbing with my girlfriend, we went to her place. She then threw up on the floor, and went to clean herself up. When she came back, she'd forgotten that she'd just thrown up. She blamed me for puking, and kicked me out. It was 4:00 am and a 3-hour walk home. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I had dinner at my boss's house. Just before we were ready to eat, my girlfriend came to me with a desperate look in her eyes. Apparently, she took a dump, clogged the toilet, and it flooded. I took the hit for her, and now my boss thinks I'm a jackass. FML
Today, I got off work early to go home and surprise my girlfriend with lunch, only to come home to her in the middle of packing up all of her stuff. FML
Today, I woke up, thinking it was going to be a good day. However, when I looked at my phone, I saw that my girlfriend had sent me an obscene number of angry messages, which are still coming in, because I forgot to say goodnight to her last night. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, my boss left early, so I decided to take an extended break and run home. I found my wife in bed with my boss. I got fired for leaving work. FML
Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML
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Top comments
MCart_fml 0
She's a career oriented girl, that much is clear..
2random 0
classy
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Comments (47)
jennjo88 0
Move on dude...what a bitch
stephy_fml 0
Hehehe wow now that is a serious FML dude I hope that bitch gets pregnant after she slept with her boss !!!
jakemg 0
This is obviously fake because in the US (this says he's from Michigan), we don't call apartments "flats." Ever.
alliewillie 22
so maybe he moved here from Europe? so what? don't be so quick to ASSume.
sunnymadhouse 7
says who? I've used and heard the term flats for apartments many times. Youre obviously a shut in. I'm sorry.
tayymeds 23
#24 I wasn't aware that you knew every single american and their personal choice of words. How stupid of you for assuming.
Kikiers21042 18
I'm American born and raised and I call them flats..
glossykarma 19
I know several people who call apartments flats, including me
313blades 0
its obiously not fake because i lived in a two bedroom "flat" in nothwest detroit. a flat is split top and bottom, duplex is side by side, and lofts are one big room on top of another with just a bathroom seperated. i hate fake fmls so i wouldnt post one, trust me.
phixx 0
that blows
corbincorbin 0
exactly but then shhhtuff would happen and eventually u would be blamed
wesley215 0
@17 Maybe some people do? Just because you dont call them flats doesn't mean other people dont. You look like a dumbass as you speak for the U.S.
FAYUL12345100 3
I would have written "Ho" all over her in permanent marker.
lalalaha 0
ghjj
smartalek 2
shut up and move on. don't be such a BABY.