Today, I woke up with an extremely irritable rash around my crotch. I didn't want to full out itch it by putting my hands down my pants, so I itched it by putting my hand in my pockets. I got kicked off the train for "pleasuring myself in public." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was in a shopping center when I went to the toilet. I came out, washed my hands and suddenly got a massive itch in my crotch. Without thinking I itched it. I then had to walk around the center with a wet hand print on my crotch. FML
Today, at work, I wet my pants. I had to throw my tighty-whities away. Since I didn't have underwear on, I chafed real bad and got a rash on my butthole and near my balls. I had to push my boyfriend off of me, all because it hurt too much to touch. FML
Today, I took a crowded train home. I was holding on to the rail when an old man started rubbing his crotch across my hand. I moved my hand but he moved too and kept doing it. When I moved my hand higher, he started licking it. I had to wait ten minutes for the next stop. FML
Today, my thigh was itchy, so I went into a bathroom stall to scratch it. I, for some reason, moaned out loud while doing it. After that, the men's bathroom went completely silent. FML
Today, I was on a crowded subway going home. My trousers were a bit dusty so I tried to dust myself off. As I was slapping the side of my leg I missed and hit a woman behind me in the ass. She called me a pervert and walked off. Everyone stared at me. It takes 40 minutes to get home. FML
Today, I ripped my old, worn underwear while trying to pick a wedgie in public. Half ended up in my hand. FML
Today, I felt an itch on my butt so I went to the bathroom to scratch it. It was actually a dried layer of skin that broke from years of wear and tear, and now every time I shit I feel immense pain for the next hour. FML
Today, I was dry-walling a house when my butt started to itch. I bent over to scratch it on a piece of plywood, at which point the client's wife walked in and asked what the fuck I was doing. FML
Today, I ran to catch the subway, slipped, and my pants ripped across the back. I got on the train trying to cover the hole, only to realize the train was packed with people staring straight at my underwear though my fingers. To make it worse, my phone started playing loud music and I froze as I considered which situation to fix first. FML
Today, I was on a plane when I suddenly felt the need to use the toilet. I didn't make it in time and I had to spend the remainder of my trip in soiled clothes. FML
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Top comments
JusstJef 16
Please don't elaborate on the rash. We don't need to know.
Coffee5555 14
says the one with a pic like that....
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Comments (60)
NicoTaylor1005 19
In response to your name - or is this just fantasy?
Icefire9461 7
Caught in a landslide, No escape from reality...
Cpl_Levi 19
Open your eyes Look up to the sky and seeeeeeee
thefmlman2011 37
I'm just a poor boy, i need no sympathy, because I'm easy come, easy go
Elban 20
Little high, little low. Take me where the wind blows, doesn't really matter to MEEEEE, to meeee
dragoongirl90 34
*Anyway the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me, to meeee.* Mama, just killed a man, put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger now he's dead.
heyalmao 13
Well, I guess itching a rash IS pleasurable. We all have to agree.
marcranger 29
Not to former English teachers, it isn't. SCRATCHING a rash might be pleasurable, however.
HoboMeth 36
Oh balls
vicfirthfan 11
*scratched
Tomato_Cheese 22
That was an irrational decision.
DoomedGemini 38
Well that really sucks, I can't really blame them for kicking you off either. There are creeps that will try to jack off in public places like that.
marcranger 29
YDI only because "itch" is not a transitive verb.
ham_spam 17
Who the **** cares really he deserves it cause he misused a word when typing
Asinger06 1
Should have gone to the bathroom
scottishoatmeal 22
Dude that sucks. At least you had the respect not to shove your hand down your pants in public; though.
FelicityWishes 32
Suuuuuuure it was itchy :P