Today, I woke up with an extremely irritable rash around my crotch. I didn't want to full out itch it by putting my hands down my pants, so I itched it by putting my hand in my pockets. I got kicked off the train for "pleasuring myself in public." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was in a shopping center when I went to the toilet. I came out, washed my hands and suddenly got a massive itch in my crotch. Without thinking I itched it. I then had to walk around the center with a wet hand print on my crotch. FML
Today, at work, I wet my pants. I had to throw my tighty-whities away. Since I didn't have underwear on, I chafed real bad and got a rash on my butthole and near my balls. I had to push my boyfriend off of me, all because it hurt too much to touch. FML
Today, I took a crowded train home. I was holding on to the rail when an old man started rubbing his crotch across my hand. I moved my hand but he moved too and kept doing it. When I moved my hand higher, he started licking it. I had to wait ten minutes for the next stop. FML
Today, my thigh was itchy, so I went into a bathroom stall to scratch it. I, for some reason, moaned out loud while doing it. After that, the men's bathroom went completely silent. FML
Today, I was on a crowded subway going home. My trousers were a bit dusty so I tried to dust myself off. As I was slapping the side of my leg I missed and hit a woman behind me in the ass. She called me a pervert and walked off. Everyone stared at me. It takes 40 minutes to get home. FML
Today, I ripped my old, worn underwear while trying to pick a wedgie in public. Half ended up in my hand. FML
Today, I felt an itch on my butt so I went to the bathroom to scratch it. It was actually a dried layer of skin that broke from years of wear and tear, and now every time I shit I feel immense pain for the next hour. FML
Today, I was dry-walling a house when my butt started to itch. I bent over to scratch it on a piece of plywood, at which point the client's wife walked in and asked what the fuck I was doing. FML
Today, I ran to catch the subway, slipped, and my pants ripped across the back. I got on the train trying to cover the hole, only to realize the train was packed with people staring straight at my underwear though my fingers. To make it worse, my phone started playing loud music and I froze as I considered which situation to fix first. FML
Today, I was on a plane when I suddenly felt the need to use the toilet. I didn't make it in time and I had to spend the remainder of my trip in soiled clothes. FML
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Top comments
JusstJef 16
Please don't elaborate on the rash. We don't need to know.
Coffee5555 14
says the one with a pic like that....
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Comments (60)
aeryn97 17
might be yeast infection. I recommend getting some cream since scratching it is probably not a good idea even in private as it will become irritated
zacharyhannan 12
I was going to applaud this, OP, but I didn't think you'd want to hear 'the clap'..
ham_spam 17
Nice and subtle nice approach
steve02134 7
You don't ITCH something, you SCRATCH. You SCRATCH an ITCH. If it's ITCHY, you SCRATCH. Didn't you ever watch Sesame Street?
TomeDr 25
I'm glad I'm not the only one bothered by this!
Isa_fml 20
THANK YOU.
GoogieWithers 25
Is it a case of Dickin-pox?
yayhoo16 12
Not funny, but still hilarious
thatsme293 28
Time to get out the lotramin!
kyletg09 19
do you think it would be different if a women did that then a man
_M3talH3ad 8
But guys get away with masturbating on the trains and busses?
Kidd_Ant 18
Welp..
jsnoops71 9
You scratch an itch, not "itch" an itch