Today, my boyfriend tried to claim he can’t eat me out because he has a short tongue, a genuine medical condition that means he can’t do it properly. Funny, because I’ve seen him use that short tongue to completely clean out a Cadbury Creme Egg before without issue. He’s now sulking. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, when my boyfriend came to bed, I rolled over and watched as he used his pinky to clean out both nostrils, then eat it what he found. He’s almost 25. FML
Today, my boyfriend wouldn’t stop smacking and slurping his food. I told him to at least chew with his mouth closed. He looked me dead in the eye, with a mouth full of chewed up pizza, and said, “No.” FML
Today, I’ve discovered that even if he brushes his teeth for 10 minutes straight, flosses, and rinses with mouthwash, my boyfriend’s breath still smells like a cross between sewage and rotting fish. I’m running out of excuses for not kissing him. FML
Today, I saw my 32-year-old boyfriend of 4 years pick his nose and eat it. The booger in question was attached to his nose and he sucked it out spaghetti-style. He then tried to kiss me. I still feel my stomach churning. FML
Today, I finally made out with my boyfriend. Let's just say his idea of making out is moving his tongue like a lizard. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were kissing. Halfway through the kiss, he rubs his tongue along all my teeth and says, "You need to brush your teeth." FML
Today, I was feeling a bit randy, so when my boyfriend got home, I jumped on him and gave him a proper deep-tongue kiss. I noticed he tasted a bit weird, so I asked him when he last brushed his teeth. His answer: the day we had dinner with his mother. That was two weeks ago. FML
Today, my boyfriend picked a scab off of my back and ate it without a moment of hesitation. When I questioned him on it, he nonchalantly replied that he’s been doing it his whole life. FML
Today, I watched in horror from the other room as my boyfriend picked the biggest, slimiest booger I've ever seen, then lowered it into his mouth, and licked his finger clean. I very nearly threw up. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. Trying to be suave, he put a Kool-Fruit between his teeth and motioned for me to kiss him so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do so, I inhaled, swallowing it. He then had to watch me dry-retching as I tried to get it back up. FML
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Top comments
Vesi 30
OK he's trying to let you down gently.. either he simply does not like to do that and that is totally legit.. or he has an issue with yours in particular. Try asking him if he just doesn't like or want to do that.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
I have an ex who told me he just doesn't like the taste. Not me specifically, just in general. So maybe that's the deal? Not all guys like to do that, and he may just not want to admit it.
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Comments (5)
FluffythePink 23
If they don't give, they don't get. If they bitch about that then it's time to move on.
BurnInDemonFire 39
Pansy...
Vesi 30
OK he's trying to let you down gently.. either he simply does not like to do that and that is totally legit.. or he has an issue with yours in particular. Try asking him if he just doesn't like or want to do that.
easybree 10
I’d never be with a guy that doesn’t eat the cat. you should want better for yourself. so many guys do that.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
I have an ex who told me he just doesn't like the taste. Not me specifically, just in general. So maybe that's the deal? Not all guys like to do that, and he may just not want to admit it.