Today, I had a one-night stand. After holding in my farts all night, as you should, I decided enough was enough and tried to calmly let one slip out. One did not calmly slip out; instead I shat myself in her bed. I was naked at the time, so was unable to hide it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my date from the night before let me stay behind when he had left for work. While relaxing, I figured I'd be fine to let a little fart out. Unbeknownst to me, not eating enough food over the past few days turned the contents of my bowels to liquid. I sharted on their bed. FML
Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML
Today, while wearing a sexy pair of undies for my partner and taking him out on a nice dinner, I trusted a fart walking from the car to the restaurant and shit myself. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, in my sleep I let out a couple of farts. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal, but on this night I had slept in my mom's room. She came to check in on me and violently woke me up because she thought I pooped in the bed. Now my entire family knows I fart in my sleep. FML
Today, in the middle of sex, I was desperate for a fart but tried to hold it in so we weren't forced to stop halfway. Unfortunately, I accidentally let the fart escape, along with runny diarrhea, all over my husband's legs and groin. The smell caused him to vomit all over me. FML
Today, I shat myself in front of my girlfriend's family, after drinking too much the previous night and waking up with major stomach problems. FML
Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML
Today, I had just gotten out of the shower when I thought I had to fart, so I ripped it. instead, I shat all over myself and my floor. I'm 30. FML
Today, I fucked up by trusting the wrong fart and shat myself in the middle of the restaurant I was eating lunch at. I was so mortified, I couldn't even finish the meal I paid for. FML
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Top comments
Bookworm257 13
Since it was a one night stand, maybe you can calmly slip out, unlike your fart.
aylind 18
Honestly, how could you not tell it was that kind of fart coming down the pipes? Usually those feel different man. Still, sucks to be you right now. Hope she didn't go ape shit.
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Comments (129)
marcmaralou 15
I feel like even if you weren't naked... hiding it would still be a big problem
Jasim 17
Shit. Literally.
skippydoda 32
That's when you give her money for new sheets. Pick up your clothes and walk away with what little dignity you have left.
ChoolyBooly 32
#15 What a great idea! At this point since it is a one night stand OP has not much left to redeem himself with. doing the nice thing and paying for her sheets to be replaced might at least keep things cordial if he ever runs into her again in the future.
tehdarkness 21
Never gamble on a fart. That's terrible for both of you!
Genius_Kitty 27
Its nice of you to try and hold in your gas. However, wouldn't it have been better to go to the bathroom to fart in peace? That's what I do if I'm someone's guest. This way, you're not embarrassed and you don't subject your stink unto anyone.
Fou_Lou 20
18 said it. Why the hell is it too hard to just go to the bathroom where you can fart away as much as you want... ? YDI
mojobanks 8
Did she not have a bathroom? Why hold it in all night? Just excuse yourself to use the head.
buckdharma 38
That's when you get your shit together and leave.
WolliBolli 23
I dunno. I think I might just have left it behind. Too much of a hassle to bring it with me...
ItsR0sie 18
Oml, I hope you left the shit there haha ?
xninix_fml 36
I really hope they didn't. That's disgusting.
Das2589 6
You couldn't just excuse yourself to go use the restroom first? Then it wouldn't matter if you had farted or shit yourself. YDI
DevilsMetsGiants 30
Why didn't you just excuse yourself to go to the bathroom at some point?