Today, my girlfriend and I were walking around when she got lost in a crowd. And me, being a pig, playfully grabbed her butt. I realized it wasn't hers when the guy whose butt I'd grabbed by accident knocked me unconscious. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I went to a concert with my girlfriend. Some guy grabbed her ass, and I tried to fight him. I ended up with a concussion and a messed up jaw. Her? Oh, she beat the shit out of him while I was unconscious. FML
Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML
Today, My girlfriend came from behind me and put her hand in my back pockets. I though it was someone trying to take my wallet, I elbowed her in the nose and broke it. FML
Today, I learned that my girlfriend can sleepwalk. She got up, came into the living room where I was laying back against the sofa playing video games. I wasn't really paying much attention, until she stepped on my crotch, after which she left. She doesn't remember a thing. FML
Today, I was walking with my girlfriend when she began skipping ahead of me and out in to the street. I saw a car coming right at her so I tackled her to the ground to save her. Turns out the car was stopping and was never going to hit her, and my girlfriend doesn't appreciate concussions. FML
Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML
Today, a guy grabbed my ass at the mall. I whirled around and went to sock him. He ducked and I accidentally hit the elderly woman standing behind him in the face. To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. FML
Today, I was riding up an escalator in the mall in uncomfortable high heels. While adjusting my bag I suddenly lost my balance and began flailing wildly. In desperation I hurled forward and ended up grabbing a teenage boy's buttocks and was promptly slapped by his girlfriend. FML
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Top comments
RileyL29 0
You confused your girlfriend who a male capable of knocking you unconscious?
TylerX 0
He liked it ;D
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Comments (162)
italianbby 11
insert "butt pirate" where pig is. makes total sense now.
mrbattleman 10
"and me, being a pig" - makes me think your girlfriend wrote this for you
dudeitsdanny 10
No, I think OP wrote it. Note the caveman-like grammar. "And me, being a pig, playfully grabbed her butt." is equivalent to "And me grabbed her butt." Only a butt-grabbing caveman would use "me" instead of "I" =)
diva_lulu 0
u deserved it ! next time look before u grab!
j_cat187 20
learn to fight
Kayzee01 8
yeah... ydi.
cynthiaF 0
Your girlfriend either looks like a guy or the guy looks like a girl? :|
OfficeNinja 5
I don't know what's worse - getting laid out by some random guy whose ass I grabbed, or explaining to my girl that I think her ass looks the same as some random guys ass...
Lights_Out_fml 6
"Dude looks like a lady!"
soulfulemo 0
not so funny since it was used on another FML
simsfan 0
How do you confuse a female and male ass?
iPhonesha 1
Uhm easily. Some males have nicer butts than females.
dr_dangle07 0
ouch