Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was holding in pee because i was so busy at work. When I finally got up to relieve myself, I pulled down my pants, sneezed at that exact moment and peed all over the bathroom floor. FML
Today, after just waking up, I sneezed, which caused me to piss myself. FML
Today, I had to shit worse than I thought possible at work. I left my desk and hurried towards the bathroom, dropping trou as soon as the door closed. I then tripped over my pant leg, hit my head on the toilet, and came to some minutes later with my ass spewing diarrhea like a volcano. FML
Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML
Today, at the ripe age of 29, I pooped my pants. It was a little diarrhea and I had expected it to be a fart, so I quickly had to grab my shorts, waddling to the bathroom, commando. FML
Today, for the first time in my life, I simultaneously sneezed, peed and farted. I was giving a presentation at work when this happened. FML
Today, I sneezed so hard I herniated my back. After passing out from the pain I awoke on the floor covered in my own shit and piss. Unable to move, I had to wait in this state for four hours for my wife to return home from work, clean me up and take me to the hospital. FML
Today, I tried to stifle a sneeze while on the train and instead shat myself a little bit. FML
Today, while going to the mall, I witnessed the horror of someone sneezing and shitting themselves at the same time. FML
Today, I peed myself in the dressing room after work when I sneezed. Someone else just walked in as I was trying to dry off my jeans with paper, and probably smelled that I had peed myself. FML
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Top comments
chop_buster 0
Hahaha, I'm an annoying twerp and shit.
hk_fml 9
LOL xD the wording of this makes it even better.
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Comments (234)
nabildxhomer 0
And thats why ur a ********
NELU_fml 0
To all the idiots asking about the underware, have u ever seen kids potty training and screw up. yeah, it doesn't always stay in.... op, that was halirious!
Clever_Sleazoid 0
There's an app for that.
hitmanca07 0
no shit, what a small world it is!!!!! i thought the exact same thing as all of you folks posting on this. so i linked it to facebook, and it turns out i know the OP!!!!!!! i definitely believe he deserves an award for this post, it made me cry laughing, when i was in a shitty mood at work. **no pun intended
cheeraio92 0
the last sentence almost made me cry (with laughter)
Few_Absolutes 0
Beautifully done!
BryonyBabs 0
LMFAO. Haha, omg I was rofling at that xD
tia73 0
omg omg.. i tried sooo hard to feel bad but its just too hilariouss i cant stop laughing XDDDD!!!
kittenmeow 0
i laughed so hard i peed a little...
katie_annex3 0
I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.