Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was holding in pee because i was so busy at work. When I finally got up to relieve myself, I pulled down my pants, sneezed at that exact moment and peed all over the bathroom floor. FML
Today, after just waking up, I sneezed, which caused me to piss myself. FML
Today, I had to shit worse than I thought possible at work. I left my desk and hurried towards the bathroom, dropping trou as soon as the door closed. I then tripped over my pant leg, hit my head on the toilet, and came to some minutes later with my ass spewing diarrhea like a volcano. FML
Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML
Today, at the ripe age of 29, I pooped my pants. It was a little diarrhea and I had expected it to be a fart, so I quickly had to grab my shorts, waddling to the bathroom, commando. FML
Today, for the first time in my life, I simultaneously sneezed, peed and farted. I was giving a presentation at work when this happened. FML
Today, I sneezed so hard I herniated my back. After passing out from the pain I awoke on the floor covered in my own shit and piss. Unable to move, I had to wait in this state for four hours for my wife to return home from work, clean me up and take me to the hospital. FML
Today, I tried to stifle a sneeze while on the train and instead shat myself a little bit. FML
Today, while going to the mall, I witnessed the horror of someone sneezing and shitting themselves at the same time. FML
Today, I peed myself in the dressing room after work when I sneezed. Someone else just walked in as I was trying to dry off my jeans with paper, and probably smelled that I had peed myself. FML
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Top comments
chop_buster 0
Hahaha, I'm an annoying twerp and shit.
hk_fml 9
LOL xD the wording of this makes it even better.
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Comments (234)
sirskila 0
the greatest fml. ever.
Soul_Train 0
the best one ive ever seen... ends very well 2
singingfreak525 8
omg i love this so much hahaha
balundvall 0
bahahahahahaha
Deadguy71 0
It ran down your leg and THEN out of your shorts? how does that work, exactly? Don't mind me, it just struck me as being an odd way to phrase that.
ti3n_t 0
Hey i do that all the time. I just blame it on the dog. If you don't have one, blame a ninja.
indygirl24 0
I'd like to point out that I made an FML account just to comment this one. It's perfect! I love how you say "I had to take a dump" but then said "while looking for a book to read" that line is fantastic.
FreshlyInstable 2
This is the most perfectly constructed FML ever. Kudos and I'm sorry you shat your pants.
lovemyE8 0
I agree with 162. There is no better way to phrase the comment either. PERFECTLY CONSTRUCTED. I am sicker than a dog right now, and laughing so hard it hurts my whole body. Never was there a moment when such excruciating pain meet with such incredible bliss. Not even at the birth of my son. Excellent job, OP!
phatdaddy62 23
The Best Ever! FYL!