Today, on the train, a cute girl gave me her number. After maybe half an hour, she went to her seat and I went to the toilet for a quick but loud and painful dump. I opened the door and saw her outside getting bitch-slapped by the smell. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was sitting on the train wondering what that putrid smell was. As I got off the train I realized there was vomit all over the back of my seat. FML
Today, it's my birthday but I had to go to work. I caught the train and I was forced to sit next to this weird smelly dude who jumped off one stop before mine. A little old lady came on, so I shuffled over so she could sit down with ease. Upon exiting the train, I notice my pants were wet with smelly dude's piss. FML
Today, there was a pretty girl sitting near me on the train home. I thought about asking for her number., but instead a drunk nitwit decided to wander around the car and came very close to touching her. She got up and moved to the other end, while I had to deal with a belligerent hobo who was now intent on fighting me. FML
Today, I took a busy train into the city. I was lucky enough to get a seat. People were forced to stand in the aisle in front of me, and the person directly opposite me, whose butt was level with my head farted in my face. Twice. FML
Today, I took a long distance train across country. Early on I had an urgent need to use the bathroom. As I went to flush away the nasty, the preflush water violently projected my diarrhoea onto my pants before clearing the rest down the gurgler. I have 8 hours left on the train. FML
Today, as I caught the train home, a woman got on and sat on the only available seat next to me. We got talking and as the train approached the next station, she said that this was her stop and she had to go. She exited the train and I turn to see her enter the compartment behind me. FML
Today, I was on train when an attractive girl got on. There were no free seats and seeing as how my stop was next, I gave her mine. As soon as I did, the train came to an immediate halt, due to "brake problems". I spent the next 40 minutes standing up. FML
Today, I was on the bus heading home from school, when I noticed a ridiculously hot girl near me, checking me out. I was about to say something charmingly funny when I suddenly got a whiff of onions. Turns out she had turned around simply to catch the essence of her own fart. FML
Today, I was on a train when I felt the unsettling urge to vomit. I ran to the toilet, but there was someone in there, with another waiting in the corridor. Out of time, and luck, I projectile-vomited into a bin built into the wall. The man waiting for the toilet looked truly traumatised. FML
Today, while I was on the up escalator, a small woman in front of me farted directly into my face. FML
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Top comments
Geoffrx7 0
maybe she's into scat ****
domosumo 0
Must've been one long train ride for you.
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Comments (77)
MaximilianMarche 0
lol
takemewithy0u 0
Buahahahahahahahahaha!
perdix 31
You should have walked two or three cars away to take your dump. Unless "your shit don't stank," you must remove yourself far away from a potential lover to perform smelly bodily functions. It's just common sense.
gonzaval 0
I just pressed the Like button lol
Mister_Grinch 0
Trains have a bathroom? I must be confusing them with a Subway.
docscientist 10
Nobody is eating fresh on OP's train.
ImaginaryFoe 1
You should've planned your cover story better. As soon as you open the doorto go in, you should've shouted, "Ugh, it reeks in here!" Then she would've assumed you were a strong man for enduring the stench directly.
Trish01 23
That's so brilliant, thumbing up your comment just wasn't enough! *hat tip*
kwiki101 0
Just plain suks man
MelElyssa 0
So much win.
MelElyssa 0
So much win.
ginmach 0
go ahead and toss that number out
Rickityraou 0
I loled