Today, after a party, I brought a girl to the flat I share with my two best friends. While we are doing it, she asked me, "You're not afraid your friends will hear us?" The only answer that spontaneously came out of my mouth was, "Don't worry, they're used to it." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home about two hours early from a friend's party. After I walked in and upstairs, I quickly and quietly left and went back to the party. I guess my parents decided to have a little party as well. It's called a threesome with my neighbor. They still don't know that I know. FML
Today, I invited my best friend to sleep on my couch while he looks for a new place. He walked inside, dropped his stuff on the floor and asked me my policy on hookers. I laughed it off as a joke. Half an hour later my doorbell rang. He took my laughter as a yes. FML
Today, I canceled going to a party with my sisters because I had a secret plan to have a threesome. They left for the party, but soon returned thinking it would be no fun without me. By then we were already making a lot of indecent noise. They heard it all. FML
Today, I was at a get-together at a friend's house. Half an hour in, it became clear that someone had farted, and we all took turns asking who it was. When someone asked me, my girlfriend chimed in with, "Oh please, if it was him, you'd all be dead." FML
Today, my parents asked me if I had a nice time with my girlfriend at the amusement park I took her to yesterday. She was pretty freaked out by some of the rides so without thinking I said, "Yeah, but she sure is a screamer." My parents then exchange a look and say, "Oh trust us, we know." FML
Today, my upstairs neighbor congratulated me on keeping him up 'til dawn with my girlfriend and the chick in the apartment next to us. He doesn't know how I got them to agree to a threesome. Since I was at my folks all weekend, neither do I. FML
Today, I had to have a very difficult and awkward conversation with my best friend about her fiancé hitting on me. She seemed completely unfazed and ended up admitting that a three-way with me was actually her idea, but she didn't want to "weird me out" by asking me about it. FML
Today, at work, I casually mentioned I was meeting some friends for dinner. My co-worker's response was, "You have friends?!" FML
Today, I met new people at my dorm, only to find they already knew me because they listen to my boyfriend and me have sex all the time. FML
Today, I was discussing sex with my guy friends in their dorm when I asked one of them what he would do if I got naked and crawled into his bed. He replied, "Nothing. You're one of the guys now." They all agreed. FML
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Top comments
Chaith 16
Considering this was during a one night stand, I'd say what you said wasn't far off.
MissCajun 0
lmfao thats what you get for being a man ***** :)
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Comments (95)
makeitglow 0
smooth move exlax!
tams_fml 0
Ahaha, nice.
MissCajun 0
lmfao thats what you get for being a man ***** :)
flamencosketches 0
How in hell is this an FML? Did your friend think you were a virgin? You should be proud of yourself. Here's one: "Today, after a party, I came home alone, masturbated, and went to bed. My friends got home from the party four hours later with three girls between them. FML."
VertigoF8 2
Agreed.
xmorgancx 0
umm this is def a **** HER life.
Squeezee 0
Whatt a dickkk u rr.
MichelleSoFlyy 0
Man ***** much????
thescrutonator 0
aha, pimpin all over the world! just kidding, but like #3, it's a one night stand, soo...
shotgunner2 0
hmmmm is anyone else freaking out that #1 corrected #3 about his grammer and #1 posted his first like 10 days before #3...
kellyissmelly 0
maybe he meant like, "i'm #3" like how some people say "First!" when they post. idunno, that's just what i thought but who knows.
pulpfiction_fml 3
HAHAHA! *****!