Today, after a party, I brought a girl to the flat I share with my two best friends. While we are doing it, she asked me, "You're not afraid your friends will hear us?" The only answer that spontaneously came out of my mouth was, "Don't worry, they're used to it." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I came home about two hours early from a friend's party. After I walked in and upstairs, I quickly and quietly left and went back to the party. I guess my parents decided to have a little party as well. It's called a threesome with my neighbor. They still don't know that I know. FML
Today, I invited my best friend to sleep on my couch while he looks for a new place. He walked inside, dropped his stuff on the floor and asked me my policy on hookers. I laughed it off as a joke. Half an hour later my doorbell rang. He took my laughter as a yes. FML
Today, I canceled going to a party with my sisters because I had a secret plan to have a threesome. They left for the party, but soon returned thinking it would be no fun without me. By then we were already making a lot of indecent noise. They heard it all. FML
Today, I was at a get-together at a friend's house. Half an hour in, it became clear that someone had farted, and we all took turns asking who it was. When someone asked me, my girlfriend chimed in with, "Oh please, if it was him, you'd all be dead." FML
Today, my parents asked me if I had a nice time with my girlfriend at the amusement park I took her to yesterday. She was pretty freaked out by some of the rides so without thinking I said, "Yeah, but she sure is a screamer." My parents then exchange a look and say, "Oh trust us, we know." FML
Today, my upstairs neighbor congratulated me on keeping him up 'til dawn with my girlfriend and the chick in the apartment next to us. He doesn't know how I got them to agree to a threesome. Since I was at my folks all weekend, neither do I. FML
Today, I had to have a very difficult and awkward conversation with my best friend about her fiancé hitting on me. She seemed completely unfazed and ended up admitting that a three-way with me was actually her idea, but she didn't want to "weird me out" by asking me about it. FML
Today, at work, I casually mentioned I was meeting some friends for dinner. My co-worker's response was, "You have friends?!" FML
Today, I met new people at my dorm, only to find they already knew me because they listen to my boyfriend and me have sex all the time. FML
Today, I was discussing sex with my guy friends in their dorm when I asked one of them what he would do if I got naked and crawled into his bed. He replied, "Nothing. You're one of the guys now." They all agreed. FML
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Top comments
Chaith 16
Considering this was during a one night stand, I'd say what you said wasn't far off.
MissCajun 0
lmfao thats what you get for being a man ***** :)
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Comments (95)
hotmessguy 13
A woman of every gamers dreams and desires and yet... I just can't... ??
SophieLauren_411 14
Coming from someone who's a bigger gamer and had relationships with people who game. He is genuinely immature and is going to have a kitchen floor reset once he's realised what he's done and sees you've moved on to find someone who won't dump you over a game. ?
Beautymarked 12
Good for you. You dodged a bullet and won.
Jaylene90 8
Doesn't sound like a real loss at all
jake_braves 25
Op, he put his ego before you. Find a guy who puts you first.
rosslynch553 16
Hes not a man child if you know anything about anything those games are 17+
Radical_Renegade 12
You can't 1v1 in battlefield 4, phony.
Niz_DD 14
Git gud m8, EZ PZ
Kingbenford 12
*git gud skrub
tassiatessa 21
Shots fired